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Scarred & Scared

October 1st, 2017

Scarred and scared

Not loved
Not understood
Not wanted
Not needed
Scared

Not heard
Not cared for
Not liked
Not missed
Scarred

Avoiding
Hiding
disappearing
Disappointing
Destructing

Dont want to see
Dont want to feel
Dont want to hurt

You think you know
Becaus I told you
You think you know
But you dont
You dont.

You cant hear
What I feel,
You can’t see
What I feel
You cant feel
What I feel.

Dont want you to know,
Dont want you to feel
Dont want you to hurt

I want to leave
I want to go
I want to be
Alone when I’m lonely

D.S 14/5 2017 11:03 am

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A little about me

September 25th, 2017

Once, a little while after I meet someone new, that person asked me, wondered about why I didn’t asked much about him. If I wasn’t interested to get to know him better. I never really realized that I don’t do that. Not just in that occasion, I just don’t do that. I never really found myself comfortable asking other people directly about their personal life.

When people share themself, parts of their personal life with me, I see that as a gift and that makes it more special and beautiful to me, especially in this case where I had ( and still have) romantic feelings for this man. I also listen to what is being left unsaid and yes if a topic is brought up and I do have a question about it I will ask, sometimes more carefully then another time. But I will. That’s what I told him and how I truly do feelabout this.

Thinking more about this brings me even more to the why. Maybe it’s got to do with the lack of boundaries I always had in my life and I don’t want to place someone else in a position I don’t like to be. I basically always answer if someone asks me something. I have recently started to learn that I don’t have to. I am allowed to simply let the other now that I don’t want to answer or that it’s none of their business basically. Mind ya I’m still in the process of learning this but it’s coming. Understanding this now more made me also realize why he thought of it maybe as desintrest. He probably had not realized either the connection of me keeping that distance where on the other hand I am very open about myself and my lack of boundaries.

When I know someone much longer I don’t have such issues with asking personal questions though. But yes that’s usually only after I know someone a significant amount of time.

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<3 <3 <3

August 21st, 2017

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Enduring crisis 1

August 20th, 2017

Strategies to survive a crisis

Distract yourself with:

  1. With activities
  2. Give attention to others
  3. Test onto other people (ask what they think)
  4. Recall opposite emotions
  5. Push the situation away
  6. Create other intense sensations
  7. Change your thoughts

1 – Activities:

Sign up for a new sport or do a hobby. Clean the house, gardening, call a friend of go visit someone. Play computer games, take a walk, go work, go out for lunch, go fishing, or anything you can think of for yourself that will change your mindset.

2 – Give Attention to others:

Do something for someone else, volunteer work, or something for a neighbor. Give something to someone or make something for someone else. Do something surprising or kind for someone else.

3 – Test onto other people: (honestly I think this is not a great idea because it can trigger and  just because other people have it worse that doesn’t mean that you are overreacting or something, but maybe it works for someone.)

Compare yourself with other people who are in the same situation as you or worse. Compare yourself with people who are not doing as well as you. Watch a soap show, read about disasters or other people who suffer.

4 – Recall opposite emotions:

Read books that are sensitive or stories, old letters, or emotional movies. Listen to touching music. Do something that make you emotional. Scary or funny movies, comedies, funny videos or pictures, etc etc.

5 – Push the situation away:

Push the situation away by leaving the situation for a moment. Leave the situation in your mind. Build a imaginary wall between you and the situation. place your pain on a shelf and leave it there or put it in your mind in a box and close the box before you put it away.

6 – Create other intense sensations:

Hold ice cubes in your hand, squeeze a rubber ball. Take a hot shower, listen to loud music.sex, wrap an elastic around your wrist and pull it and let go.

7 – Change your thoughts:

Count till ten, count the colors in a painting, or count anything else. Make jigsaw puzzles or crosswords, watch tv or read a book.

 

Cherishing of the 5 senses

  1. Look (at pretty things)
  2. Listen (to music)
  3. Smell (flowers, coffee, food)
  4. Taste (food)
  5. Touch (something that feels nice)

1 – Look:

Pick or buy a pretty flower and look at it with attention. Make a beautiful little corner in your room. Light a candle en watch the flame. set up the table pretty for a meal. Go to a museum with beautiful art. Sit in the lobby of an old hotel and look at the antiques and the old architecture. Look at nature around you. Go outside at night and look at the stars. watch raindrops fall against a window. Go to a ballet show or a dance organisation.

2 – Listen:

Listen to beautiful music. Listen to nature sounds, birds, sea, wind, rain or storm for example. Sing along with your favorite songs. Learn to play an instrument.

3 –  Smell:

Use your favorite perfume or lotions. Rub citrusoil on your furniture, bake cookies or bread. Make coffee, smell flowers or fresh cut grass.

4 – Taste:

Eat a delicious meal with attention. Drink hot cocoa, eat a piece of chocolate, buy yourself an ice cream. Eat peppermint, make fresh orange juice, whatever you choose to eat, eat it with attention on the taste.

5 – Touch:

Take a foam bath, pet a animal, get a massage.  Go sit in your favorite chair as comfortable as you can. Hug someone. touch things and pay attention to whatever you are touching.

 

Improve the moment with:

  1. Imagination
  2. Relaxation
  3. Praying
  4. Focussing
  5. Cheering (yourself up)
  6. Realization
  7. Take a short break from being adult

1 – Imagination

Imagine  very relaxing situations. Imagine a secret room and  look at how its decorated, every time when you feel bad you can go inside it and close the door for everything that can hurt you. Imagine that everything goes well. Imagine that you can take care of yourself  very well. Imagine a fantasy world that is calming and beautiful. Imagine that painful emotions leave your body like water through a drain.

2 – Relaxation

Try to relax your muscles by contracting and relaxing the large muscle groups in your body, starting with your hands, arms then the upper of your head and from there downwards; listen to a relaxing music, go train. Take a hot bath or shower. drink hot milk with honey. massage your neck, forehead, calfs and feet. Let someone else massage you. Take a deep breath. Smile lightly. Change the expression on your face.

3 – Praying

Pray to whoever or whatever your beliefs are, ask for strength patience and wisdom.

4 – Focusing

Do one thing at a time and keep your attention focused on this one thing. If you are doing the dishes pay carefully attention to the temperature of the water, the item in your hand that you are washing, the softness of the soap and how you wash the dirt off. If you are walking, pay attention to each step, listen to the sound when your feet step on the floor. You can do this with basically everything you do. Pay close attention to all your actions, movements or items with whatever you are doing.

5 – Cheering

Talk to yourself in a motivational manner. Repeat to yourself; “you can do this” or “I can do this” or “this wont last forever”, or any other cheer you would use on anyone else.

6 – Realization

Find a goal, meaning or value in the pain. Next time it will be easier. Learn from the situation. Observe so that next time you know better what is happening to you, pay attention to your emotions and it will get easier to get past. Use the situation as a learning opportunity.

7 – Take a short break of being adult

Give yourself a tiny break when you need one.  Crawl into bed and cover yourself with your blankets for a 15 – 20 minutes if that brings comfort. Ask someone else to make a sandwich for you for lunch or to make a cup of tea for you. (offer to do it  for them another time) Buy a magazin and a box with candy. cookies. chocolates or whichever you like and enjoy your magazine and the snacks. Go to the park on a sunny day with a blanket and lay on the blanket in the grass enjoying the sun. Take a break from cleaning or whatever task you are doing and take a short walk in the park. Eat an ice creme.

Pro’s and cons:

  • write down the pros and cons

Make a list of pro’s and cons of enduring a crisis. Make another list of the pros and cons of NOT enduring a crisis. Mainly this will be helping when you are engaging in destructive behavior, substance abuse or impulsive actions that can get you in problems.

Put your attention on long term goals, the light at the end of the tunnel imagine how good you will feel when you don’t give into your impulses after your crisis has passed.

Remember the bad things that happened when you did engaged in destructive and/or impulsive behavior.

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Emotion Regulation 1

August 11th, 2017

Goals of the emotion regulation training.

Understand the emotions that you experience.

  • Recognize emotions (observe and describe the emotion)
  • Understand what emotions do with you

Lessen Emotional vulnerability

  • Lessen negative emotional vulnerability (Vulnerability of the emotional mind)
  • Create more positive emotions

Lessen Emotional Suffering

  • Let go of painful emotions through perception
  • Change painful emotions by doing the opposite.
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