Things change in time.. with time.. Not always just because… Often one has to work hard to get to a certain point… Building up things is  not always as easy… In life one builds up many aspects of life… friendships… sometimes they come and go.. others are for life… relationships… there arent many  who never had more as one relationship with someone… often you dont marry the first person you fall in love with and share your lifes forever… Career is something else we build up..  we get experience with everything we do.. SometimesI feel as I have not achieved anything.. yet when I look back I see all the battles i faught and won.. often it meant to crawl back up and start over again… I am 33 years old now and I wonder where i will be next year.. will I have achieved more? did i climbed up again? Is there gonna be another battle nearby that I have to overcome? I dont know.. neither do you whats comming at ya…  I have been at all sorts of lvls in my live.. from the bottom of the well till halfway the mountain… I never made it to the top… And you know.. it doesn’t always matter where we are at in life… what matters is most how we got there… who where there with us on our journey… because at the end of the road… what matters most is the people arround you…

Thats easy to say.. yet at the same time not so easy… When I look at my life now.. I am no where near where I want to be… I dont know if i am ever gone be there.. life gives and takes.. and it is for us to take it up or not whats been offered…

I think I have finally reached a lvl in my life where i know excactly what I want… I want to be home… and share my life with the man I love and take care of our children.. Nothing fancy.. just a quiet nice family life… I dont need to be rich or famous… I dont need to have a blooming career and be a top bussines person… I just want to be happy and that doesnt take much.. yet.. to achieve that what i call not much.. seems impossible…  sighs…

que sera sera..
whatever will be will be..
the futures not ours to see..
que sera sera..

Hugs ela

Almost everyday I spend a few moments thinking about a very dear friend who passed away last year september 5th 2006…

Also just a few moments ago my mind wandered of and he came into the picture.  When I meet him the first time i gave him the nickname chewwy and from that day on.. i called him chewwy Theres lots about him that i would like to share with everyone and I would want to tell everyone about him… But I know that Chewwy maybe not would have liked that as much .. so I won’t tell you everything about him I wont go into detail about how and why he died…

It wasnt his choice to die.. he didnt wanted to die.. he was too young to die and had like many of us so many dreams  and wishes for his future… a future he knew long ago  that likely never would come… and in all these years thats one of the things I never could give him, hope…
We became very good friends and from all the people i have meet online, chewwy is in my top 3 list.

He knew he wouldnt grow old every day and each week and month… and year where a gift from above and he cherished the days.. one day more as another  because most of his days where not without pain and suffering. Chewwy was a very brave young man who managed to give others some strength and courage while he was in such a bad shape himself. he was so stong and delivered a hell of a fight..

I am proud of him. I cared for him a lot and theres no doubt that I wish he would still be among us… but I did not wished for him to suffer any longer either… I take it that this was what god had in store for him and that his job on earth has been done… I am glad I was part of the short time that he spend here..  I am thankfull for his friendship.. for as much as i have suported him.. he was there for me as wel in tough times… Chewwy, I love you buddy, I miss you a lot and with all those funny images i have been photoshopping, I know you would have laughed about them a lot and would have come up with great and funny ideas. Maybe you looking over my shoulders at times and  see my little  pieces of work… I hope a smile will grow on your face…

I never forget that you where my number 1 fan!

My sweet loving friend,

I have a lot of words with you to share,
words of love and words of care,
You are not alone, I am here..

But I don’t want you to see signals that I not have send,
I tell you this cause you are my friend,
and I don’t want you to get hurt at the end.

Between us there there can be no thing called romance.
Because I don’t want to loose by any chance,
the friendship we have in advance..

The friendship that allows us to have fun without getting mad,
the friendship that comfort us when one of us is sad,
and to share secrets that you maybe never knew you had.

You are cute and so much fun to be around,
you understand my words without hearing how they sound,
but, I can not give you more than the friend in me that you already found.

Yes its true I love and care for you since the day we meet,
Though this is the closest to you I can get
cause I do not wish you to misunderstand the words I have said.

D.S. June 11th 2001 6:50 PM