“EVERYTHING YOU LOVE IS VERY LIKELY TO BE LOST, BUT IN THE END, LOVE WILL RETURN IN A DIFFERENT WAY.”

This is a quote that helps me a lot in my healing journey and I can find true meaning for myself. Especially now today for reason I don’t wish to share. That why I want to share this today here. It’s by Franz Kafka who was a novelist and short-story writer, he never married and never had children. He lived from 1883 until 1924.

When he was 40, he was strolling through Steglitz Park in Berlin, when he met a young girl crying her eyes out because she had lost her doll. Together they looked for the doll without success. Then Kafka told her to meet him there the next day and they would look again for the doll.

The next day, they still didn’t found the doll and Kafka gave the girl a letter that was supposedly written by the doll that said, “Please do not cry. I have gone on a trip to see the world. I’m going to write to you about my adventures.”  

That was the beginning of a story that continued to the end of Kafka’s life. 

Every time when Kafka and the girl would meet, Kafka read aloud his carefully composed letters of adventures and conversations about the doll, which the girl loved. Finally, Kafka read her a letter where the doll tells them she had come back to Berlin and he gave her a doll he had bought for her. “This does not look at all like my doll,” the girl said. Kafka handed her another letter that was reading: “My trips, they have changed me.” The girl then hugged the new doll and took it home with her.  

Many years later, the now grown-up girl found a letter tucked into an unnoticed crevice in the doll. The tiny letter, signed by Kafka, said, “Everything you love is very likely to be lost, but in the end, love will return in a different way.”

This story, this quote, tells me about replacing a love that’s lost and within my last relationship, I found so much truth in this that I was reminded about this quote and story. The love this man has given me has proven to be very healing. I feel blessed that we met. Thank you, Ali

Something came up  for discussion and I decided to do some research on the subject, yes I’m a girl who does her homework…. 🙂 So I’m gonna quote some parts I’ve found and that got my interest on the matter. Feel free to comment or leave critic if you don’t agree or just have a different opinion.

What is the Truth?

The truth is personal; it is what is so for you. “Truth” is not synonymous with “reality” or “facts.” As eloquently put by Anais Nin, “We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are.”

The Truth is our own perception of reality, our own “story” of ourselves and the world. It is colored by our nature, experiences, perceptions, interpretations, etc. What is true for us may not be provable in the traditional sense, but to a considerable extent it defines us and how we think and interact.

When you speak the truth to someone you share yourself with them in a very deep way. In sharing your truth you tell them who you are and what you really think.

There are lots of reasons why we don’t always tell the truth. Let’s look at the most common reasons, what they are costing us, and how we can move past them if we choose to.

Reasons Why You Might Not Tell the Truth:

1. You don’t know the truth yourself

It stands to reason that you cannot share your truth if you are not aware of it. Many times we don’t know the truth of a situation simply because we have not asked ourselves, or examined, what we believe. And sometimes we don’t access our own truth because we would rather not know the answer!

Telling the truth requires awareness. One method (suggested by Thomas Leonard) for becoming more aware of your own truth is to “Reduce or eliminate anything that clouds or numbs your ability to recognize truth as it emerges” (e.g., adrenaline, stress, excessive busyness, mind-altering drugs or alcohol, addictions, etc.). Another way is to consciously ask yourself what you believe to be true in each situation, and be willing to challenge yourself and your beliefs.

2. You fear the consequences

Sometimes when you tell the truth there are potentially significant consequences either for yourself or others. You may find it easier to tell the truth only when it is non-threatening. But what is the hidden cost? When avoidance of consequences becomes paramount we end up only telling the truth when it is “convenient” and carry around with us an uncomfortable inventory of past censorships and un-communicated thoughts and feelings.

Here are two ways you can evolve to allow yourself the luxury of being able to tell the truth:

* Increase your Personal Standards and become a person who puts truth ahead of other priorities (e.g., goals, objectives, needs).

* Reduce the risks associated with telling the truth by building reserves in all areas of your life (e.g., time, space, money, friends, etc.) so that you can afford the consequences of the truth.

3. You think the other person will not hear, or be able to handle, the truth.

You can control how you speak your truth, but you cannot control how someone else hears, interprets, or reacts to it. In trying to protect or shield another from the truth you are in effect diminishing them – restricting their access to important information and downplaying their potential for resiliency. If you speak the truth with compassion and let the other person know you are coming from a place of wanting only the best for them, chances are they will be able to take what you are saying in a positive way and draw upon their own internal resources to react appropriately. Don’t underestimate them. Show your belief in their ability to handle it. Offer them the gift of your truth and give them the opportunity to surprise and delight you with their response.

4. You don’t want the other person to tell you their truth.

Sometimes you just don’t want to ruin a perfectly good, but superficial, relationship by starting to tell the truth. After all, if you tell your truth, it is only equitable that you allow the other person to tell theirs. And what are the risks to that?

* The other person might say something which conflicts with your view of the world.

*The other person might criticize you or what you do.

*You risk deepening the relationship by telling the truth.

How can you overcome your fear of hearing the truth of another? The following are a few techniques that can prove helpful:

*Recognize that each person has their own truth, and approach their truth with curiosity instead of fear. Realize that their truth need not invalidate your truth.

*Learn to hear criticism not as something to be avoided but as instruction on what it takes to win!

*Recognize that if you deepen the relationship you will be free to be who you really are without pretense and without expending energy to keep up your facade and walls. In a deep and honest relationship you can clearly state what it is you need and want, and your requirements are more likely to be heard and met by the other person.

The bottom line.

Telling the truth requires skills and awareness; awareness to know your own truth, and the communication skills to express it in a way that touches another – not with brashness and brutality but with compassion, kindness, and subtlety.

Source: WITI

Off course there’s more from other sources.:

I wont quote this one because I believe this should be read as a whole. Its  a real large file so I suggest just click the link.

Heres a interesting document about the truth in PDF format: Telling the truth – Does it pay?

And another : Telling the truth: creating authentic relationships

Sometimes it is hard to tell the truth because:

*  We don’t trust our perceptions.
*  We are afraid of hurting the other person.
* We are afraid we will make them angry or they will abandon us.
*  We don’t realize that relationships are about relating.
*  We have been taught to take care of others by not being ourselves.
* We assume that we are 100% responsible for the relationship.
*  We see ourselves as powerless in the relationship.
*  We are afraid of being transparent, real and seen.
*  We are afraid of our power.

If we don’t tell the truth, the other person has no way of knowing who we are, what we are thinking or feeling, or how they are impacting us. We assume (perhaps unconsciously) that they do not have the ability to navigate through their own feelings in response to us. Although this may be true, by not telling the truth, we rob them of the opportunity to rise to the challenge of relating to who we are, of having a truly authentic relationship with us.

Learning to tell the truth is a big process. Often we have been taught since we were little to put other’s feelings ahead of our own.  We have been taught that relating is being the same as the other, rather than allowing our differences. In order to alter this and honor ourselves, we need a new perspective.  We need to know that as we take action and speak the truth in a way that empowers us, our lives will re-align. Our actions have impact and allow us to change, creating our lives.  We are no longer held hostage by our fears of voicing ourselves, of being seen.  As we become truthful, those we interact with get to choose whether or not they can also step up to the challenge.  In either case our relationships will change. We will become closer to those, who whether they like it or not, support hearing our truth and honesty. These relationships will deepen and we will no longer feel as alone. We may lose relationships with those who do not want to hear how they affect us, who do not want to know who we are.  When this happens, we may experience grief. Rather than being trapped in resentment, or fear, we have the opportunity to grieve and let go of our expectations, accepting the limitations of that person and relationship. A reorganization of our lives and relationships occurs.

How do you not tell the truth?  Look at someone in your life who you don’t talk to directly about his or her impact on you.  Imagine telling them something they do that is difficult for you.  Notice what feelings come up: discomfort, fear, shame?  Notice how you choose the feelings associated with not telling the truth: frustration, feeling trapped etc, rather than the feelings that emerge when you do tell the truth.  Both sets of feelings are uncomfortable, but one will lead you to freedom and authentic, healthy relationships, and the other will keep you trapped and dis-empowered.  It is your choice. What kind of relationships do you want to have?  What kind of life do you want to live?

And this is what I want to leave it at. There’s much more to be said about telling the truth or keeping information. Especially when ppl are real close to us it matters more If you tell the truth or not. Then again… You never know who the other person is and at what place they might find them self one day. Some day you may have to depend on the other. And wont you wish you had dealed with a situation differently?

Thank you much for your interest in my blog. Hugs, Ela

So far this story that I found in a newsletter from webpronews… this was actualy one that I did signed up for however usualy I don’t read it.. I probably signed up for it because I made an acocunt on a forum somewhere and that included this newsletter..

I wanted to know more and.. I googled the term googlenopes and found the rest of the story:

http://www.newsobserver.com/105/story/587410.html

and there was more…

http://www.pierrelemieux.org/artgooglenopes.html

and I am sure that  you will be able to find tons more of these stories once you google it too 🙂 and perhaps you go test it out yourself 🙂

Anyhow.. now you know what googlenopes is 🙂 quite entertaining story eh? especially when one is bored LOL

hugs ela

What started out as a not so bad day turned into a disaster.

The whole day everything went fine, I had a hard time getting off my butt to start doing some chores, but I even managed to do that 😛 My darling daughter had after school activities. Streetdancing, Its at her own school and theres other girls from her class in it too so she really enjoys going there.  On such days i take some extra rime for myself to relax and sit back since i have more quiet hours and can spread my work. It was getting to the time to pick her up and I couldnt even finish the ebay auction i was preparing. half of the  information about the object was  allready written, but i didnt wanted her to stand there waiting  for me and being the last person thats picked up. So I put on my boots n coat, grabbed my cellphone, purse and keys and left everything as it was, Thinking I would be back home in a few minutes to continu my work. Right?

Wrong, thats where the trouble begun. I was in time for my girl and even had to wait for a minut. After she came out and we hugged and said bye to her teacher, we went to the store for just a few lil groceries. I had run out of bread and her lemonade was reaching the bottom too. I also bought some cookies. When i paid at the cashregister I suddenly missed my keys. Ok, calm down.. check your purse and pockets… No keys… I remembered that when trying to get a bottle of lemonade I had to put my keys down most likely to be able to get one bottle out of a big sealed package. I dont excactly remembered if I really DID that but that thought came in my mind for a reason right? So I walked there to that lane and chacked the shelfs… I checked all other lanes too.. Its a real tiny supermarket. But, you might have guessed it allready, No keys.

No keys. Where are my keys?! keept on playing thru my mind. Checked my purse again and my pockets, my daughters pockets and her school bag. No keys. Ok now I Started to freak out. What where the things I did ??? Nothing?  left home after locking the door, I remember thinking for a second if i should lock it, I was gonna be only  gone for a couple minuts and the first entry door wouldbe locked still from the halls of the appartement building… I decided to lock it and  left for school. At school I hugged and we walked to the store. On the way to the store I had to tie up My daughters shoe laces and it is not likely but possible that i had put them down there too on the sidewalk. We rushed back to that spot, there where some kids playing that we had seen when we walked  to the store the first time.. They where kids from her school where she played with sometimes. I asked them if they had found my keys, well no they did not. Ok maybe I am loosing my mind and left the keys in the door. I rang the bell for the eighbours to open the door to the public hallway. Upstairs, no keys…oh boy… it really was getting to me.. What was I gonna do??? I left My girl waiting in  the hall at home and went back to the store. thats actualy only 3 minutes walking, or in this case when in a hurry not even a minut. I walked the excact same route as I did the first time when I walked to school first. Still no luck. Since I had my adress label on the keys too I had hoped that if someone foudn them that they would have put them in the mailbox at home.. Like I would have done. Again I walked thru the store lookign for my keys, several other people helped looking. But nothing. I really did it this time… they where gone…

Nothing i could do anymore… I went back home to the neighbours and asked for a phonebook… I needed to call my landlor n see if there where any spare keys, No spare keys, but they would calla  locksmith for me and the door would be opened for me and the lock replaced.
As I was waiting I called several other lock smiths just to find out how much this little joke was gonna cost me. Well the prices I heard where not to laugh about…. My panic started to fade.. I would be getting into my house again soon the lock replaced and the only real harm it would have done was the money it would cost me… They will send me a Money transfer order that i will have to fill in to pay the bill thru my landlord (thats cheaper then the other locksmiths) There was no way I would get into my house in time to be able to make diner. So  me and my daughter went to a nearby fastfood and filled our tummies… Then we went back to our neighbours house where the waiting continued.  The phone rang, it was the locksmith he was just turning his car into the street where I lived and would be here any minut. I was releaved, in not too long I would have access to my house again! The guy started working on the door and not a minut later I was inside! yahoo!!! He replaced the lock and 5 minutes later all the horror was history!

While I was waiting and talking with the neighbours, the oldest son said well you know what it is with keys.. they should go into your pocket as soon as you close the door, and stay there untill you need to open it again. He was so right, I couldnt argue with that! Let that be my advice for you guys today.

Keys belong in your pocket untill the moment that you need them.

Hugs!

angry,
because,
memories,
the fear,
the pain,
damn it hurts,
I don’t want to accept it,
its history,
why doesn’t it go away?
that’s why anger,

anger needs to be vented,
at something,
at someone,
because I love you,
because am hurting,
am angry at you,

because you love me,
its save,
to be angry,
at you,
though its unfair,
another reason,
for more anger.

d.s. nov 14 2004 17:57