If you really must speak the truth, then speak the truth to the person that you talk about behind their back. Especially when you are talking in a bad or negative manner.

Not always when people talk about someone else it is in a negative manner, you can talk about someone in a positive manner just as easily. You could talk about something they handled well or that this person is good at, the difference is that this is more of a compliment that you would normally not have a problem with saying to this person its about. and that is the big difference, when people talk bad about someone and when that’s only behind their back then you should start questioning yourself why you are doing this because it says more about you then the person you talk about.

It is not per definition bad to talk about someone, we all need to vent and get things off our back sometimes, just remember that at all times you are representing yourself in the first place and not the other person.

There are three general motives behind people talking bad about another person. 1. They’re talking with someone to solve a problem they’re having with the individual, but lack the skill to do it in a kind way. 2. They want to discredit the other person, or cause harm to the other person. Their motive is to hurt, or they feel they must defend themselves from hurt, so they hurt first. 3. They want to be accepted, so they find common humor, evil, etc. to talk about to make themselves feel better.

The first group: They talk about the problem, may go into detail, may exaggerate a little, but their motive is mainly to get an idea of how to solve the problem, and not to hurt the other person. They may talk inappropriately, or in a way that may leave a negative light on the person they’re talking about, but its not hateful.

The second group: People who talk bad about another person to cause harm: They seem to feel like you have some major impact in their life, and they are scared of you. For example, a friend who feels like her life is determined by how much boys like her will often bad mouth another girl who the boys like more than her – or that she thinks they like more than her. She does this because she feels like she must manipulate the people around her to stay safe. If she took responsibility for her own actions, and her own ability to change, to act, she wouldn’t feel so threatened by other people. So usually, people who talk maliciously are really very terrified people. They feel they must manipulate the people around them to be safe. They don’t start by changing their own actions and choosing how they feel, they let life around them tell them who they are. Its a very threatened place to live.

Third group:
They people are a combination of the two categories above. They talk about others because they have nothing better to do. They just talk without considering the people or friendships that will be damaged, its just entertainment.

Just be aware that often the gossip will end up unintentionally eventually in the ear of the person who was subject of this gossip. Knowing already what lays behind the gossiping it should not be a surprise that this often leads to lies and denial of what was said, trying to keep up there own status and trying to make that other person look even worse. Depending on the environment this has happened and who have been involved that it can damage not only you or the person you spoke about but it can damage the organisation you represent as well.

sources: wiki.answers 2knowmyself.com

My sweet loving friend,

I have a lot of words with you to share,
words of love and words of care,
You are not alone, I am here..

But I don’t want you to see signals that I not have send,
I tell you this cause you are my friend,
and I don’t want you to get hurt at the end.

Between us there there can be no thing called romance.
Because I don’t want to loose by any chance,
the friendship we have in advance..

The friendship that allows us to have fun without getting mad,
the friendship that comfort us when one of us is sad,
and to share secrets that you maybe never knew you had.

You are cute and so much fun to be around,
you understand my words without hearing how they sound,
but, I can not give you more than the friend in me that you already found.

Yes its true I love and care for you since the day we meet,
Though this is the closest to you I can get
cause I do not wish you to misunderstand the words I have said.

D.S. June 11th 2001 6:50 PM

~*~

~*~ She left us,  ~*~

~*~*~

The sky is covered with gray and scudding clouds,
which are blowing hard with their invisible mouths,
cold cust of winds right into my face,
Its obvious, summer has left this place.
With elegance and a friendly inner self,
did autumn approached and introduced herself.
She entered her season with composure and forbearance
She transformed the leafs colors into a beautiful appearance.
But, when she saw that we couldn’t appreciate her and her colors of beauty
she lost her calmed and inflamed into a untamable fury.
She grab the trees and shook them until the leafs felt down.
She chased the fallen leafs and colored them brown,
she cried tears of inability and the rain fell down on us.
No longer she showed us her kind and tenderness
Cause now she left us with the days and nights dark and cold.
A new season appeared, chilly destructive and bold.
And its now that we wished that she still was with us here
Now that we are left behind in this invulnerable kingdom called winter.
She is gone she has left us until the next summer gives her back her place.
It’s a long waiting time until she can blow again the wind in our face.

~*~*~

5 October 1999 9:00 PM