Breast cancer, a pretty serious topic, one that I don’t really like to discuss honestly. Every time I have read on it I was very aware of how desastrous it can be and how fast it can change the lives of a female. How much of an impact it has on a person. I always wondered when I was told or read about checking your breast and armpits for lumps, what kind of lumps I would be looking for. I worried sometimes, what if I did not recognize it as a lump? I didn’t know how a lump in my breast would feel like. Makes me wonder if that should not be described better when it’s mentioned in information materials on this subject. I can’t be the only one right?
Well for me that has changed, I do know now. What very few people know, simply because I did not wanted it to be known is that just a few days before Christmas 2016 I found a lump in my breast. What went through me is hard to describe. It was a sad Holiday season for me to begin with only having the first Christmas day my daughter’s with me. Then between Christmas and New Year’s I’d have only my youngest with me 3 days and again with New Years I was alone. My oldest would be spending the second Christmas day and the Christmas vacation plus New Years at her dads and my youngest would be spending the second Christmas day and half the Christmas vacation plus New Years at her dads. With my discovery and the loneliness the Holidays would bring me I had to fight not falling into a depression. I did not wanted to ask for anyone to have sympathy or something really either. My boyfriend was with his family spending a vacation in New York but he did spend New Years eve online with me which I really enjoyed! That really made a difference not being completely alone. Well I had Silver with me as well. I was grateful for that too. Now back to the origin of the topic, The timing for such news is never good and having to deal with such things pretty much alone is tough. I researched the internet and learned a thing or two about lumps found in breasts. Still without being examined by a doctor and having the lumps actually checked there was no way of knowing if these lumps where bad or not. The only thing I do know is that it didn’t belong there because it wasn’t there before. I guess that’s the best way to describe what you should look for when checking your breast for lumps and why it is important to do it once every so often.
As said before I didn’t tell anyone at first and it wasn’t until January when I felt comfortable to make a doctors appointment. An appointment was made to make a mammogram at the hospital that very same day. The doctor agreed that it was something that did not belong there and on top of that found a second one that was a lot smaller too. My boyfriend was the first I told and my oldest daughter, I told my therapist and I brought it up in my group therapy session briefly. I told two friends and that’s it. I wasn’t seeking for attention or pity or suddenly people wanting to jump on the bandwagon and feel sorry for me just because they where nosy. One of my friends went with me to the appointment in the hospital which I really appreciated. I was told that the lumps in my breast where Fibroadenoma, as I was explained is not a bad tumor. However they still can be bad as far as I understood after doing more research and often a needle sample is used to research it further or its being monitored by growth by patient and/or doctor, like in my case. My next checkup is this summer. I learned they can grow up till 5 cm in diameter which is pretty big considering I’m not gifted with huge breasts and even then. That’s a large thing inside you that does not belong there. I want it removed really, I am not comfortable with it. So when I am ready I will go see my doctor and discuss that. The outcome of the research might have implied all is good but if it truly was sure all was good they would not have me come back for more checks in a few months. And further research told me that it still can be bad. Quote from the wiki page about Fibroadenoma and Phyllodes tumors “Occurrence is most common between the ages of 40 and 50, prior to menopause. This is about 15 years older than the typical age of patients with Fibroadenoma, a condition with which Phyllodes tumors may be confused” Then you may understand why I am still worried and not at ease.
I still haven’t talked about it with anyone else and I don’t really want to either. Its something really personal. So you may wonder why I write about it. Fair question. When I write on my blog it helps me often to coop with things other then just posting an personal or informative article. I always try to keep my posts in a certain manner so that they wont hurt other people or affect them in a negative way. I am on a healing journey and negativity is not helping to heal me in anyway. Now if you have read it and I have not discussed this with you personally then respect that I don’t want to discuss it with you and be grateful for what I share.
Greetings Danielle
