Today I am reflecting on trust and in particular my own trust. Its something I have been working on in my healing path in the last few months. I am someone who always tries to give someone a fair chance when it comes to trust however I do that very carefully, because of the traumas from my past it takes time for me to give you that full trust if I decide to give it to you at all. My heart became pretty battered because I am very forgiving and caring for other people which leads to being lied to and being betrayed many times. I understand what makes people tell lies and that’s why I maybe give so many chances.

People fail to see how much a lie can hurt someone no matter how small or about what. The less important the reason to lie was the more it may even hurt, because who knows what else you are being lied to about? You don’t, because your  trust is broken. You can’t believe that person 100% anymore at this point, no matter how badly you want to. That trust needs to be rebuild first. And that takes time. How much time? That’s hard to say. I think the action in the given time and the actions in the past matters more then the time it actually costs. Somethings can change everything in a day, and that’s not just for lies but also for positive things.

I look at it in a way most people may not understand but when I take time to trust you, being a broken and damaged person by traumas, it should mean a lot to you. because I don’t trust people. If you break this trust I can maybe excuse u once or twice, But if the lies continue, you have not only kept the truth from me. You also took the time from me that it took me to build up trust with you and the energy I put in that. If you lie you also have taken from me and every other person after you, that I will give them the same chances I gave you. You have hurt me in ways you may never understand. And you have hurt yourself in ways you may never come to understand.

If you lie to me you don’t seem to care about me or find me worthy enough to tell the truth. This will make me feel bad about myself, as though I were not important or mattered to you.  I would feel dumb because I trusted someone who obviously thought they could get away with lies and that it was okay to lie to me. It will make me feel lonely and sad because that friend I thought I had is not a true friend who values me like I value them. Now ask yourself, is it possible to value them the same way again anymore? I truly don’t know if that actually exists, for the people who betrayed my trust in the kept breaking it, up to a point beyond repair. I have forgiven them but I wont allow myself to trust them anymore.

And last but not least, a long time ago I posted about lies before on my blog when it came up in a conversation. That post is located right here. And I wrote a post about truths that’s located right here.

Take care all!

Today I like to talk about Promises…. Promises, What are  they? Why are they being made? And why are they too often not keept….

Here’s what wikipedia sais about  a Promise:

A promise is a transaction between two persons whereby the first person undertakes in the future to render some service or gift to the second person or devotes something valuable now and here to his use.

So much for me quoting wiki,  But wiki speaks further about types of promises aswell.

There are tons of quotations and proferbs  to find about Promises. I will mention a few here:

• When a man repeats a promise again and again, he means to fail you.  ~Proverb
• Promises make debt, and debt makes promises.  ~Dutch Proverb
• Losers make promises they often break.  Winners make commitments they always keep.  ~Denis Waitley
• Not the maker of plans and promises, but rather the one who offers faithful service in small matters.  This is the person who is most likely to achieve what is good and lasting.  ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
• The best way to keep one’s word is not to give it.  ~Napoleon Bonaparte

Why do people make promises then though when they are so often not keept at all? It can be for few reasons.

• Either they have a real bad planning and just promise more then they are capable off.
• They make a promise to try to keep peoplr happy for the moment. And never even plan to do it. Thinking it will go away on its own eventualy and people forget it. or later on another excuse is made as of why it did not happen.
• Ofcourse it is possible that people just simply forget about it but then ofcourse the promise could maybe be taken care of as as possible in some cases.

What to do if you made a promise that you can not keep? Well ofcourse if you are planning to keep you promise but  run in trouble case is to let the ppl who you made the promise to, to let them know as soon as possible that you can not keep it for the time being. perhaps what you can do is set a new goal and ofcourse you do have to make sure you will be able to keep it. Just to make your self believable next time you  promise something.

If you continiously don’t keep promises you will lose credibility, people wont trust your word as much anymore. Not Keeping promises can lead to losing friends and bussines deals. If the promise is something  that would lead to someone else losing money then I think its even worse, because you do not only not keep you word you also can bring the other person in trouble. You could say that a promise is the same as a contract, just not as official because it wasnt signed just know that when you make a promise you have to keep it. technically you could be up for a lawsuit if you dont keep a promise. Giving your word is the same as signing a contract actualy.

Think about that when you make someone a promise because you are harming people in one way or another by not keeping your promises.

Songs heard by the sun,
Danced by the butterflies,
Starting where everything begun,
Rhythm which the bees apprise.

Music carried by the night,
Loved by tears,
Filled with candlelight,
Free of fears.

Words whispered by the wind,
Bouncing on the leafs,
Caressed in a birds mind,
They are promises, of I believe’s.
Made by u and me ….

September 29th 2000 16:55 ©2001 D.S.