What exactly is a label? A label is something you tag yourself with, a way to advertise, identify or warn others of who you are or your intentions. Labels also reflect our beliefs about ourselves. It is a way to communicate or think about ourselves. It is also a way to teach others how to communicate with us and how to treat us.

A label usually doesn’t define you completely and not al labels are placed correctly. Other people often label us and not always correctly. We put labels on people ourselves too no matter how much you may dislike being labeled often we all do it all the time. Whatever comes after I am or you are is a label. We often have labels that we are not even aware of most of the time. Not only because we haven’t placed them ourselves or identified ourselves with it but because they are so common and we grow unaware of it as an automatism/

When I go to the baker I am a customer. That’s my label at that time and only defines the reason why I am there. and with that comes a certain expected/wanted behavior and you can expect certain behavior in return. So in short like all relationships can be said to have labels.

It’s useful to discuss sometimes what label fits us in our relationships. I personally like things being clear and know what is expected of me and what I can expect from another person. It makes me feel safer in my relationships. I can only imagine this not being useful for people who want to take advantage of the confusion when a label is not clear and therefore they do not like labels being defined. When my label/position is not clear with certain people when it is important to me I don’t feel safe which affects my relationship with that person.

Sometimes a label needs to be adjusted because situations change and this will complicate things if not adjusted. The more complicated a relationship with the other person is the more important I believe the right label is.

A very important label is the ones we give ourselves because not always those labels are correct not even when we give them to ourselves. Identifying ourselves with the wrong labels can cause a lot of problems and is not healthy so it’s very important that we are comfortable and can rightfully identify ourselves with the label given.

In communication, labels are VERY important. We cannot communicate at all without some level of conceptualizing or labeling the world around us and with that its is very important that the other person understand what the definition of a certain label is to us. A mistake often made is that one label does not define everything that we are and people take offensive often thinking that one label defines them when it doesn’t. It only covers a small part usually.

Since this topic is so big I tried to keep it neutral and to a point where it is clear what a label is and why they are important. Labels are often opinions and very personal so we have to be careful with them. Not only by placing them but also by understanding them.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the energy or patience today to write all I like to write and define my point of view even more. Just keep in mind that communication can solve a lot and rather try to understand the other person from their own perspective. Explain your perspective and understand that this is not always received kindly so try to be patient with the other person in this case too.

I know I have not posted much lately but rest assured I am very much alive :). I have been busy with several things in my life and some of them I can not write much publically about as I would want to. So the post here is not complete.

Due to things that happened years and even months ago, childcare protection has stepped in were the other organization that I have approached and reached out to for help and support failed to do what they were supposed to do. The situation escalated when I stepped up and decide to protect my child myself which was against the court papers and the law.

The said organization did not have the tools to do anything anymore at that point and have contacted childcare protection to take it over from them.

They stepped in as I mentioned before. after a long, long period on the waiting list, we finally are getting things started. I was/am not in favor that it has come this far but I am glad that my child hopefully gets the support and help she needs now. And not only her. As a divorced parent, I have found my hands were tied many times when it came to wanting to protect my child and with childcare protection, I have to trust her rights/safety are/is being protected now for I have no other means to do so within the law.

This will if they do their job right a little peace of mind so I have fewer worries to deal with and with that a lot less stress. Due to that this took so long may have damaged my child unnecessarily (I know Unneccesarely is a strange word to use here but we can not protect our children from everything since we can not be always there.) and has caused serious problems in my healing process that the needed support that I reached out for was not provided.

I do what I need to do for my children even more so than for myself. I will/can put up with a lot but don’t touch/hurt my kids, cause you will wake up a side of me you don’t want to meet.

Today I was taught another lesson and I am grateful for this lesson. It adds to my healing journey, in the end, no matter it has been a painful lesson I will see it for what it is. Two steps forward, one step back is still forward. It’s almost like a dance.

I am as determined as ever and I might fall back from time to time and that is ok. It reminds me of who I am and where I come from and I am not anywhere near anymore where I came from. I am proud of myself and what others think of me is not my business. I know who I am.

Purity is still value in my life that I hang on to. I am me and nobody else determines who I am.

Sleeping problems are very common for people with C-PTSD. There are quite a number of different problems that we can have and honestly, I can not identify all of them since I have not been aware of all of them. So I will stick to those that I have been experiencing myself or that I am still experiencing.

My sleeping problems begin with insomnia. I have periods of time that I hardly sleep at all. This is caused by heightened adrenaline in my body. When I am finally able to sleep I am often still very alert which causes me to sleep extremely light and I wake up between 4 to 8 times a night sometimes. This results in me not getting the sleep I need and extreme exhaustion obviously which affects my overall vulnerability.

Sleep para;ysis is another one on my list. It comes and goes I’m assuming it’s connected to my stress level. I am not as much in panic anymore when it happens and I have my anxiety under control rather fast usually too now.

I used to have sweat nights, I don’t know how to call them else but I recently learned that I’m not the only one with C=PTSD experiencing those. Now I don’t have those anymore for a while already which I am grateful for. I would wake up from a dream or nightmare or something else and finding myself and my sheets wet from sweating. It is been a long time since I have had one of those. Not complaining.

Of course, the Nightmares or Night terrors as they vary in fear level both are existing terms. When woken up by nightmares (Night terrors are a lot less frequent now) I am able to control my anxiety, fear, and disturbance a lot better and often I’m able to go back to sleep after a little while. Aside from those, there are dreams that tell me things that often disturb me. And last but not least te random waking up knowing by a feeling that doesn’t seem to come from me. I don’t like to go into detail about these though.

Apart from all the issues, I do enjoy the nights.. the silence.. the peace of mind that I get when being the only one awake. Not feeling others and not having to be on my guard might be the causes of this peaceful feeling. I love my silent nights.

Its been on my mind for a long time and I never really have spoken out about this much and most definitely not in public. Though I have reached a point in my healing that I feel comfortable bringing it up. So here goes.

Many times I read in the C-PTSD groups that I am part of how their siblings, grandmothers, aunts, nieces and other family members or friends of their family members don’t believe and accept what has happened to them after they opened up to them about it.

I have not done this as I am really not that close to any of them and I don’t feel the need to. I am assuming that if I would open up to them they will not believe, accept or even want to hear my story about the origins of my C-PTSD. I am sure there will be things they will dismiss and that they don’t want to hear.

Only those able to see things through my eyes would understand it fully anyway because they have not walked my path and stepped into my shoes. Thinking about this also makes me wonder what would I want to achieve by telling them? I can’t find a goal or a reason. I’m not looking to be accepted or for them to judge what has happened to me. I am not looking for attention or a pat on the back.

And most certainly I am not looking for pity or to be judged myself. Some of them may know little others maybe more but none of them heard it from me but does it really matter? I don’t think it does and it would make little difference for me if they would believe and accept my truth. The opposite would make a bigger difference and I have faced that enough already at the time to push myself through that again.

I’m so used to not being close to anyone anymore that most of the time I don’t even miss it. Is this a bad thing? Is it holding me back from enjoying life and getting the most out of it? I don’t know really. There where only a few people in my life that I enjoyed being close with and who I trusted.

To be with someone on that level again is scary and I don’t know if I can bring myself to that position ever again. Sighs.