I am still using the CBD oil at least two dose a day of 5 mg and its going ok. I know I am alowed to take more but I’m hesitating because of side effects always having such a big grip on me.

I noticed although I can still get really emotional and anxious I do believe the grip it has on me is less strong and the anxiety attacks are less heavy although they do surprise me more easily now.

My migraines are getting less and actually this week while on my moons I surprisignly had no migraines or headaches at all.

I am going to up the intake of the capsules with one more dose of 5 mg. Right now I am takign a dose in the mornign and one in the evening. I will add another dose in the night when I wake up. I say when because that is still somethign that is guaranteed to happen.

The only drug that can cure most is love and unfortunately I can’t buy that in a bottle. :(.

For the time being, I have chosen to delete Instagram, facebook and messenger app from my phone. I can be contacted by mail by those who have my email address.

The memory of your hugs is now filled with sorrow,
the memory of your kisses is now filled with pain.

My dreams, not even nightmares, filled with remorse
filled with darkness, filled with thunders and rain.

My anxiety haunts me and continues to pester me,
my anxiety forces me always to live in fear.

I want to beg, cry out, yell and scream for comfort,
but, there is not a single soul around to hear

Scarred throughout my life and tainted by words and deeds,
I’m finally stripped of every last bit of self-esteem.

Eyes that look down at me, minds that immediately assume,
minds, who don’t know and eyes that haven’t seen.

I am just like you, I am a person, once too I was a child,

why am I being judged so cold with laughs all riled?

I give all I can and have, my love, my life, my heart,

Still alone, hurt, scattered and falling appart

Isolation, because of the regret of things I could not have changed,
because of the shame of things others did. Because of fear

To hide myself from their eyes, to become unseen,
to not be judged, to not exist and to finally disappear.

Darkened, outcasted and cursed by the cruelty of this world
wanting to be cared for, fighting, dreaming and craving to be loved.

D.S. March 17th 2019

I’ve been living with a warzone inside of me most my life and I have come close to wanting to give up a couple of times now. I’m losing this battle I’m afraid. I’m running out of breath

I don’t know how to live with these demons inside me anymore 🙁 The problems they cause me are hurting the people I love and making me lose everything that’s important to me.

I’m starting to hate myself again for the monsters inside of me and not only myself, the world around me too even the few good things in my life because I am not able to enjoy it anymore. Others are trying to destroy these things too. </3

I am not responsible for other peoples actions and reactions. I am only responsible for my own actions and reactions. The consequences are mine to carry And I will carry mine.

A consequence inflicted by another person is not your responsibility because this is action from another person. However, of course, I will have to deal with it its not something that I should take personally. This person’s actions will have consequences too for them.

Everyone already has there own load of baggage and things to deal with respect the other person, you can advise them and even let them know how you would handle things but it is on themselves to live their life, not on you.

Do what you believe is the right thing to do and if other people have issues with that’s okay. You are allowed and capable of making your own decisions. You can consult others if you are unsure but follow your own needs first. Because you are the one to deal with the consequences, not them.