I have chosen to post this list of my boundaries so I can access it always anywhere to remind myself of these things, but also because other people may find it of use when they are having a hard time making their own boundaries. I know I had a hard time with it.

One of the things I became aware of is that setting boundaries once you know what they are, is the easiest part. To maintain them however is not.

My healing journey where I am now putting down my boundaries is going to be one of trial and error I am very well aware of this. However in the past I have learned that I am allowed to fall and make mistakes and then try again with the experience I have gained.

First I made a little list for myself of things that I think I need to be able to be successfully maintaining my healthy boundaries.

• I need self-awareness. (check)
• I need to recognize my needs. (getting better at it)
• I need to seek support (hard without a support system but I am trying)
• I need to be assertive in a healthy way (still difficult)
• I need self-care (eating is hard but I manage, sleeping is a problem still, and I make sure I take y CBD oil)
• I need to be direct about my boundaries (learning phase)
• I need to name my limits. ( I don’t like doing things half, so it’s difficult)
• I need to get more self-esteem/confidence. (hopefully, my next therapy will help)

The next list shows what I have accomplished so far.

• I have been working hard on being self-aware since I started my therapy and I’m constantly working on that still.
• I am recognizing my needs more and more due to become more self-aware.
• My needs in a relationship with a partner are not the same as my needs in a relationship with family or friends. (I’m still working on the “friends needs” list)
• My needs in a relationship can be defined by intimacy, compassion, respect, support, trust, affection, attention.

And now finally my list of boundaries. This list is still a work in progress and therefore will be changing over time as I see fit. I probably will reword this list over time and combine things or simplify it. I know this list may seem strange to people who have no issues with boundaries but understand that these are things I have difficulties with because of my traumas.

• If I want to spend time doing things alone or with people other then my partner then I should be able to if this is not something that would harm my partner in any way or our relationship.
• I speak up about my wants and needs and allow others to do so as well.
• I give my partner the space to do things he wants to do without me with other people if he wants to as long as they do not harm me or our relationship.
• I have the right to say what I need to say without being interrupted. If I am being interrupted I have the right to say something about that. If this is a problem I have the right to choose to leave the conversation.
• When I interrupt my partner (or anyone else) when he is talking then he has the right to call me on it and I should listen and let him finish talking. If this is a problem and I don’t allow that then he has the right to choose to leave the conversation.
• I have the right to be angry at my partner or other people. I should be aware of how I act and behave when I am angry and stay rational. I am allowed to let you know that I am angry at you and why.
• My partner is allowed to be angry at me and so are other people. I do not have to make sure to fit everyone’s needs so they do not get angry at me however the consequences will be mine to carry.
• I take the time I need to do the things I need to do or want to do for myself.
• I let my partner and others do the things he/they need to do and want to do and give him/ the time he needs to do for that
• I can be friends with anyone I want as long as this does not harm my relationship. He has the right to let me know if one of my friendships bothers him. It is up to me what I do with this information.
• My partner can be friends with who he wants when it does not harm our relationship. I have the right to let him know when one of his friendships bothers me. It is up to him what he does with that information.
• If my partner or anyone else yells at me during a conversation I will let him know to stop yelling, If he refuses I will leave the conversation.
• If I yell at my partner or anyone else yells at me during a conversation he has the right to tell me to stop and if I refuse or continue he has the right to leave the conversation.
• I have the right to say what I need to say in a conversation as much as the other person does as long as it’s in a civil manner.
• Other people need to be able to say to me what they need to say when it is in a civil manner.
• If my partner or anyone else chooses to befriend someone who has harmed me or is harming me then I have the right to distance myself from them to protect myself.
• I do not have to allow other people to touch me and I have the right to speak up about it. I also have the right to protect my personal space. I give the same respect to others.
• When I or my boundaries have been disrespected or trust has been broken then I will maintain a safe distance from these people as I see fit until I feel this trust and respect has been restored to a point that this distance I created is no longer needed.
• I will apologize on my own when I believe I have wronged someone on purpose or by accident. I do not have to apologize just because other people say so. Neither will I force others to apologize to me.
• I share my personal information in an appropriate way. I try not to overshare or under-share
• When I say no, others will have to respect this. If they don’t then I have to right to distance myself from them. I will respect others when they say no to me.
• I decide how I feel about something. My feelings are my own and others have to respect them just as well as I will respect other peoples feelings. It is not up to me to decide how they should feel about something.
• I won’t play mind games and people who I believe play mind games with me I will distance myself from.

With Christmas when my mom was here I had asked her to make some carrotsoup like she used to make  as long as I remember. I just love that soup and we had bought our selfs a new refridgerator with a freezer with 3 drawers so I wanted to  put some in the freezer too.  And ofcourse my mom made a load of soup and it was delicious as always. We froze in a few liter soup that she had made extra. But all that soup.. well… its all gone.. we ate it all in January and February allrdy and  a few weeks ago it started itching again.. I wanted to have carrotsoup.. Now our normal grocerystore where we always go was doing a redecorating that would last till half april so I was going to wait till then… And this week it was reopened.

So I bought  all the Ingredients I needed and today I made that famous carrotsoup myself.. for the first time.. And it was delicious, just like my mom makes it. Good job eh? Thank goodness I made a lot of extra so next time when I want  some carrotsoup again, all I need to do is open my fridge n get myself a pack of frozen carrotsoup out. Since that soup turned out so well when I tried to make it by myself, I wanted to share the recipe here. So you guys can try it for yourself :). I am using European/Dutch measurements so you might want to google up to converse to your own country.

Carrotsoup  (+/- 8 portions)

• 500 gram Wintercarrots (those are like the biggest carrots u can find XD) fresh ofcourse.
• 1 onion
• 2 toes of garlic (I used garlic paste thats rdy to use)
• 4 beef bouillon blocks (make sure its for 2 liter bouillon)
• 40 grams margarine (butter)
• 40 grams flour (all purpose)
• 2 liter water
• 3/4 teaspoon curry powder
• 150 gram grounded beef)
• 1 thin leek
• parsley hacked in small pieces for finishing touch.
• salt and pepper

Clean the carrots and cut them in  big slices. Peel the onion and cut it in tiny pieces. peel the garlic and  use a garlic press to make 2  toes into paste.

Use a BIG soup pan thats large enough for  all ingredients to fit when the soup is finished.  Put in the pan: 2 liter water, the carrot slices, the cut onion, the pressed garlic and the bouillon blocks. Bring it to boiling and let it boil for 15 minutes.

Take a large bowl (or 2) and a sieve and pour the soup  thru the sieve into the bowl(s) so u have a clear bouillon left over. The carrot and onion and garlic that u catched in the sieve you going to have to mash completely (I used my kitchen machine with blades for this) U can put all the bouillon back together in the big pan and keep the mashed carrotmix seperated for now.

In another pan you melt the butter and stir the flour through it when its melted. Then little by little you add some bouillon as you keep stirring till you have a lightly bound soup.  Add this lightly bound soup back with the rest of the bouillon int the large pan and add the mashed carrotmix aswell. Now its time to test the taste of your soup first time. add a lil bit of the currypowder and try again.. then add  a little more if neccesary and some salt and pepper just the way you like it.

From the ground beef you gonna have to make tiny lil balls. Bring your soup back to boiling and add the lil meatballs. let that boil for about 10 minutes. In  that time  you can cut the leek into  small/thin slices (rings) and let those boil aswell for 5 minutes in the soup. (If you want to freeze in the soup then seperate what you going to use right away and add the leek to that so the part you going to freeze dont have the leek. You will have to add that when you going to use the soup.) Last but not least, when serving the soup sprinkle a little bit of the  hacked parsley after pouring the soup into bowls/plates.

Make sure the soup has cooled down before you freeze it. enjoy 🙂