So the post from my brother on my time line totally surprised me. My first reaction was shock after I read his words. WTF got into him suddenly? Seriously, my brother who barely cares about the things I write or say or do, suddenly comes onto my Facebook after our half sister is looking for us thinking he can order me around and tell me what to do after his insults to me. He might be in the army in his job and be my older brother, but he is still not in charge of me even if we where close together I would not allow that. So I call him upon that and ask him why hes not minding his own business and to explain himself why he goes all ape shit in public on my Facebook about something he claims not wanting to be involved in.

My half sister who had read the comments as well responded too, wondering where his sudden strong reply came from(at least that’s how her post came across to me) I forgot the rest of the conversation but eventually my brother apologized while still insulting me on the same post all be it a little milder. My half sister posted that she thought she took the wrong moment for this family search and walked away from it. (I cant blame her, I would not have wanted to open such a can of worms either! thanks bro really) She removed herself from my friend list and a day later he removes his post. Well that really made me go like WTF is going on? I don’t like drama and I did not ask for all this drama!

I have send her a privat message where I explained to her that I did not know why my brother responded the way he did and that I only have a small idea of why but that it had nothing to do with her really or me actually for that matter but that because he did not wanted to get involved that I would respect that and that for that reason I would not explain my thoughts about it. I also told her again that I don’t mind having contact with her and that I wont hold it against her anything my dad did or did not do, after all shes not him. Also wrote to her that I even discussed it with my mother even before my brother responded on my Facebook and that she was all right with it. I gave her my email address and told her not to take my bro’s reaction personally.

I never got a reply to that message, though Facebook told me that she did read it. That’s okay though.

Even if the things I had written that my bro claimed where not true, these things where things from over 20 years ago. He was not even present when some of the things that I wrote about happened and neither did I told him about them at that time as far as I remember because as mentioned before we simple have never been that close. Aside of that, he could have send me private message and told me I was mistaken on some parts and correct me where I was wrong. Or even post that in public, I would not have minded that either. Though, I did not lie, IF and that’s a HUGE BIG IF I was mistaken on anything that still would not have been a reason to attack me like that and put me down publicly as a liar and someone who makes up stuff.
So when he made a post about blowing of steam on his own Timeline, I posted that he should do that more often then people might not remove them self from my Facebook friend list because of him. Well he of course ignored my little sting, like I expected. That would have been the wisest thing to do anyway and he didn’t responded to it, at least not publicly. In a private message he was a lot less silent.

That would have been okay if he was not continuing calling me a theatrical person and claiming to have apologized. The apology that he removed along with the whole conversation because he did not wanted anyone to see the childish bickering, as he explained later. When I call him upon the fact that he still had not explained himself to me about what things I supposedly had lied about I still got no answer until a few private messages later that where accompanied with more insults. The things he said that I had lied about, he was wrong about, I did not lie. I think his anger about the conversation between my half sister and me has more to do with the fact that we have different opinions and feelings about our stepfather who passed away some years ago. I respect his opinion and that his experience was/is different then mine, however I don’t think that is mutual and that hes holding things against me and that with this contact with my half sister I maybe don’t give my stepfather or maybe my mom enough credit or something like that. That is the only reason I can come up with.

I consulted my mom about the whole thing and showed her even all of the private messages because it really did hurt me how my brother was talking to me and calling me a liar and how he insulted me. I just don’t understand why he does that to me when I have done nothing to him. I don’t understand it at all especially not because now HE has her in his Facebook friends list while he didn’t wanted to have anything to do with it. Its so confusing.My mom could not really help me and advised me to just ignore him, to write him an email and not talk about it on Facebook and let it go. But that’s easier said than done. My bro hurts me and is a complete jackass and I am supposed to act like everything is fine and that I don’t care and give him my other cheek to smack. But that’s not me.. I don’t like play games and pretend I’m all right, I do care and it does hurt me and if you’r apology is not sincere then you can keep it. It is worthless and only makes it worse.

As a kid I used to be the person who, when being kicked on purpose under the table, would smack you back above the table, just to get punished for it. And yeah I would kick a scene for that not being fair. And I am still that person. I don’t hide and cheat. When you are being a dork, I’ll tell you straight in the face(book) and I don’t care who sees it or what other people think about me for that and if you are thinking that two wrongs don’t make a right, then you are absolutely right, but that’s okay, I am not and don’t have to be perfect. I don’t try to hide my mistakes, and remove posts to cover up my errors for the fear of others to form an opinion about me (don’t mention the spellings mistakes I correct or when I use type-ex, that would be just lame LOL) instead I try to learn from them and try to keep my sense of humor. I don’t like to pretend to be something or someone that I am not. I have but only one life and I prefer to live it myself instead of being lived by others. I try to live without debts, as well as financially as emotionally and I am pretty good at it. I pay my bills, I have no loans, I care for and help other people without expecting anything in return and I enjoy life. I don’t go around hurting other people  and then act like I didn’t do anything wrong and that its their own fault.  My self respect is worth more then respect or acceptation from and by people who are the opposite of all the above. I just wonder what those people see in the mirror, I guess I will never know.

My brother, right now, I don’t really want to have anything to do with him at the moment. I have been through enough bullshit in my life and really don’t need people to add a new portion of drama to it. Going back now to just do my own thing and to my peace of mind, hoping that no one is going to bother me about it anymore.

My baggage or actually our, because the suitcase did not only contained my stuff, was delivered to our house at exactly 11:15 this morning. The suitcase was  dry thank goodness because the plastic it was covered in for its protection was no longer around it so I assume it was checked by customs. When opening the suitcase my assumptions turn out to be right, my suitcase has been searched through. Everything was packed differently then I had placed it. Well, I don’t really care about that but a little note would be nice. In the USA they put a standard note in my suitcase to let me know my suitcase has been checked by customs. To me that’s a decent thing to do and it takes away the thought that it could have been someone else as well with less decent intentions. Oh well maybe I should bring it to their attention, they might not be aware of the fact that people would appreciate that. I can’t be the only one right? Upon further investigation I found out soon that all of my candy and cookies where still there. Again, a little beaten up but all there and unopened. My fairy was still in one piece too and I don’t think anything else was/is  missing either. So hooray for that!!!

Facebook is an amazing medium that in many ways is very powerful. I could write up a list of all the ways and reasons why people use Facebook but that list would be endless and still incomplete, so lets not go there :P. Lets just stick with the reasons why I use Facebook, although that list can be stretched endlessly too if I want.

I use Facebook to play games on, I use Facebook to stay in contact with friends and family nearby as well as afar. I use Facebook to promote my cupcake workshop in the community center where I am a volunteer worker. I use Facebook to be silly, funny stupid and to get things off my mind. I use Facebook to share things, such as  pictures and little updates in life about myself with friends and family and whoever else is interested. I use Facebook to learn about others and read about whatever they wish to share with me. I think that little list will cover most of it so I will leave it at that.

I don’t like drama, not in my life and not on my Facebook, I’ve had enough bullshit (excuse my french) in my life to deal with all ready and I’m perfectly fine without it.

While I was in Venezuela on vacation, I got a friend request from my half sister. I have never met her in real life as far as I know and I have only seen pictures of her and her two sisters that I found when looking them up on Google. After accepting her friend request She asked on my timeline if I was her half sister and told that she had been looking for her brother and sisters for a long time and would like to get to know us. I saw no harm in answering it and did not think I would bother my brother by answering her because my sister in law, I noticed, also had her in her friend list (I did not look that up, just Facebook tells u if you have mutual friends and shows profile pics of them right on top of the Facebook page.)  I answered her question and replied to her post sharing with her some things I remembered as few as they are. We where both online at that time and we replied to each other time after time. She talked about her dad and I gave her a link to a post on my blog that I wrote where I posted some of my memories n thoughts about that part of my life. She still wanted to get to know me better. She’s not my dad and she’s not responsible for his actions or the lack of it and  I told her  that and that I would not refuse her because she’s his daughter.

At that point my brother posted on my timeline in a new post, attacking me about  the things I said, according to him, I romanticized things, was being theatrical as well in the Facebook conversation with my half sister as well as the blog post from months ago. He called me a liar without any explanation.  Told me he did not wanted me to write about him or be involved in it. He said it was wiser to not bother with them (my half sisters) because it might cause problems with their relationship with their dad.

My brother barely ever responds to the things on my Facebook, we are not that close and never really could get along well. I could come up with all sorts of reasons for that but that would make this story that’s already going to be long, a lot longer and honestly I would not know where to start :). As kids we where like fire and water and as a kid I did not expected that to change ever even when we where grown up, because well that’s because I was a kid. As an adult I think we should be able to restrain our self and talk with each other as adults. Accept each other for being different  and respect that we both have different opinions. So basically, agree to disagree.

Pffff this post is getting longer and longer, I like to keep it short and simple but I don’t want to be blamed to have left things out or that I did not explained things right later on while also trying to get my feelings and emotions across at the same time without losing myself in them. I’m gonna take a break, will post a follow up later on or tomorrow.

As far as those things that had upset me and that I needed to get my head straight about. I gave it some thought, I gave it a lot of thought. I thought about it when I was still in Venezuela, when I was on the plane here, when I arrived here and I am still thinking about it, yet I did managed to get things in my head straight enough to compose a post about it without letting my anger getting the best of me.

I don’t have the need to point at people just for the purpose to expose others, I just need to get it off my chest. Writing, I have learned, can be a very healing medium for me, composing a post about a subject in my head helps me to look at things from different perspectives. Other then a journalist who writes for a newspaper, I don’t need to be objective, as this is my personal blog, about me and my family and the things I like and want to write about. However, I do need to be correct, after all I am the one who has to answer to myself in the first place and further more I do not only write about myself but also about my family, like I said before. I have always liked writing, and have started in my life  many diaries, that I just was not competent enough for to keep at. At one point it even crossed my mind to become a journalist, I just never had the self esteem to go for it and it might just not have been the thing for me, so now I am just writing for myself and the very few that stumble upon my blog through a link I post on Facebook or by accidentally running into it after a Google search. Some of my posts are very long and too boring probably for other people anyway, and this might just be another one of them. And that is cool. Some posts I get reactions on and people post replies and that is cool too 🙂

This blog does not have many visitors, most of them are crawlers and spiders and bots from search engines. (They might actually be all the same thing, I dunno I’m not that much of a geek lol). The few visitors and readers that are actually people and read my posts, I hope I can present something valuable, something that can enrich their own life, in one way or the other, not necessarily because of what I write but because it may put them to thoughts that may help them to get the best out of them self. And what that is, only they truly know.

Getting tired so I will post a follow up tomorrow…

Well basically the title said it all.. The plane in Caracas Venezuela was supposed to have left the gate at 4:20 PM local time, we would have 2 hours to change planes (flight transfer) in Lissabon to get on the plane to Schiphol in Amsterdam. The plane eventually left the gate in Caracas around 7 PM local time. the plane arrived in Lissabon around 7 o clock at the gate, which would be the same time as our plane to Amsterdam was supposed to take off. They kept the plane on the ground for us and some other ppl and delayed that flight. That meant that again there was no time for me to go fly buy shopping in Lissabon 🙁 I was going to by something in Caracas at the tax free section but I forgot I did not had any Venezuelan money left except for a few coins which is basically nothing. So i had put my hope on Lissabon :(. Just like the day we where going to Caracas, No time for shopping at Lissabon then either because we literally ran allover the airport to catch the plane that they had delayed 30 minutes because that time the plane leaving from Amsterdam was late. ANYHOW. Aboard of the plane I wanted to buy a few things that where so new that they did not had it yet 🙁 Although it was in there on-board sales magazine 🙁 that’s just my luck.  Once we finally landed back at Schiphol we where quickly out of the plane and back at the baggage band to pick up the baggage. It took a while for the baggage to start rolling in but when it did I saw eventually some familiar suitcases.. well two to be exact.. there where supposed to be three!! The biggest one was/is missing and my new dress, my fairy, and Anarosa her new shoes are in there!! It was located to be in Lissabon still and it would go on the next flight to Amsterdam. That flight should have landed hours ago and I did got some call around the time the next flight would have landed but no one answered and I was kinda sleepy so I am not sure if that was the baggage retrieving company or not. However I figured they would have called me back if it was. Well I can reach them by phone till 7 and since its all ready 8 o clock and heard nothing, I just have to assume I will receive my luggage tomorrow. Lets hope so, I loved that fairy, it was a Christmas gift!!! Besides there was a lot more stuff in there like my shoes and clothes. I don’t have the energy now to add pictures, I just wanna sit n hang on the couch n browse n whatever more lol. Antonio is setting up the laptop for Merel that he got from his bro and I can’t help but wonder where he got the energy from. Then again, I already sorted out the other two suitcases and all our hand luggage. Brought it to the rooms where they belong and gave everyone their gifts. Most, if not all of them where in my hand luggage and the  two suitcases that we did got. Lets hope for good news tomorrow :). I will report again  then. Oh yah, and the food on the plane.. well lets just say I want to forget about that as soon as possible 😉

As far as the other issues I’m dealing with, no comments yet, still too upset and tired from the trip to have gotten my head clear about it. 🙂