Yes, 2019 is approaching and with pain in my heart, I look back at the past year. What I thought and hoped to be my year was a year extremely rural, a rollercoaster without limits it seems and it has not ended yet. I fell deep, very deep, up to a point that I was about to give up on everything. I have made choices I regret but also choices I am very proud of.

So I do not only look back with pain, but I also look back with pride and full of strength because not everything I lost was a bad thing. Much of the pain I endured gave me insight. Allowing myself to feel also means allowing myself to heal.  I have cut ties with people who were disrespectful and hurtful towards me on purpose up to a point that I do not want to be part of their lives any longer. Where others have cut ties with me and to be honest I wish with some of them that things where different. But they make their own choices and that’s it.

My healing journey has progressed but sometimes a step forward meant taking two steps back and that’s painful because this battle is already hard enough and taking long enough as it is. I just finished a trauma recovery therapy which was extremely heavy without the needed support system that most people have. So now I am starting to plan the next step in my healing journey. You may think it’s getting easier but it’s actually not. I am starting to feel more and more and even deeper than ever before and it hurts and altho dealing with these emotions seem to be somewhat easier it’s still very difficult and complicated for me to deal with. IM still not there and I’m sure my hardest battle has yet to come.

In the past few months, I have made decisions for myself and started building boundaries. As soon as I have finished writing them I will post them here so I won’t forget them but also for others to see what healthy boundaries look like and what mine are because how are you supposed to know my boundaries when I don’t tell you.  The last thing I want to share is that what I found in my heart two years ago is still there. Unchanged.

Hugs.

Your pain is my pain

Your pain is my pain,
My pain is your pain.

In the complete sense of each word
is embraced and captured all the hurt

How can I let go of what I love with all my heart?
How can I hold on a love that rips you apart?

My heart keeps breaking again and again,
Your pain is my pain, my pain is your pain.

10:18 pm 9/29/2018 D.S

To hear and to be heard, to understand and to be understood, I believe, is the doorway to mutual respect.  In any topic that comes up listen to the other person with an open mind. Put your own agenda aside for a moment and listen to what they actually have to say and share. Just because you don’t agree with the same thoughts, opinion, and ideas,  does not mean you can not find common ground. And even if you won’t find common ground, the best way to disarm those that oppose to you is carefully listen to what they say so you know what they are talking about and what you are defending/fighting against.

Keep in mind that you have not lived the other person’s life and if you had, you might have chosen the same choices they did. That does not mean you necessarily approve of their decisions. After all, when you think back about your own decisions in the past you will likely find decisions you won’t approve of now anymore either.

Empathy is understanding where the other comes from and why they choose to do what they do or what they believe. The sole purpose of listening to the other person is not to endorse or oppose but to understand. Once that has been reached you may be able to find respect for the other person in some way. So do not dehumanize the other person by devaluing who they are and what they believe and stand for. After listening to them and you have reacted and they have listened to you give them too the chance to respond to you without using frequent interruptions and discounting their ideas.

Learn what the difference is between feeling offended and being insulted.  We all have been in conversations where someone said something that may have offended you or someone else. Determining whether you have accidentally been offended or purposely insulted is important. Just because you feel offended does not mean the other person means to insult you. Give people the benefit of the doubt especially if this is a relationship with a person important to you. Let them know you did not appreciate what they said and why. If you are unsure you can always ask. Explain how you took it and ask if it was intended that way. If it as not intended then ask them to explain how it was intended. Separating offense from insult can literally mean to save your relationship with that person.

Don’t forget that your actions and reactions speak for you, not the other person so if your reactions are negative that leaves a negative stain on your tab, not the other person.

Please know,

Please know that I miss you.
So much even though I decided to leave.
Please know that I need you.
As much as the air that I breathe.

Please know that I want you.
While my heart is not blind.
Please know that I love you.
Without a doubt in my mind.

D.S. Juli 26 2018