2019 is approaching
Yes, 2019 is approaching and with pain in my heart, I look back at the past year. What I thought and hoped to be my year was a year extremely rural, a rollercoaster without limits it seems and it has not ended yet. I fell deep, very deep, up to a point that I was about to give up on everything. I have made choices I regret but also choices I am very proud of.
So I do not only look back with pain, but I also look back with pride and full of strength because not everything I lost was a bad thing. Much of the pain I endured gave me insight. Allowing myself to feel also means allowing myself to heal. I have cut ties with people who were disrespectful and hurtful towards me on purpose up to a point that I do not want to be part of their lives any longer. Where others have cut ties with me and to be honest I wish with some of them that things where different. But they make their own choices and that’s it.
My healing journey has progressed but sometimes a step forward meant taking two steps back and that’s painful because this battle is already hard enough and taking long enough as it is. I just finished a trauma recovery therapy which was extremely heavy without the needed support system that most people have. So now I am starting to plan the next step in my healing journey. You may think it’s getting easier but it’s actually not. I am starting to feel more and more and even deeper than ever before and it hurts and altho dealing with these emotions seem to be somewhat easier it’s still very difficult and complicated for me to deal with. IM still not there and I’m sure my hardest battle has yet to come.
In the past few months, I have made decisions for myself and started building boundaries. As soon as I have finished writing them I will post them here so I won’t forget them but also for others to see what healthy boundaries look like and what mine are because how are you supposed to know my boundaries when I don’t tell you. The last thing I want to share is that what I found in my heart two years ago is still there. Unchanged.
Hugs.
