The importance of understanding.
To hear and to be heard, to understand and to be understood, I believe, is the doorway to mutual respect. In any topic that comes up listen to the other person with an open mind. Put your own agenda aside for a moment and listen to what they actually have to say and share. Just because you don’t agree with the same thoughts, opinion, and ideas, does not mean you can not find common ground. And even if you won’t find common ground, the best way to disarm those that oppose to you is carefully listen to what they say so you know what they are talking about and what you are defending/fighting against.
Keep in mind that you have not lived the other person’s life and if you had, you might have chosen the same choices they did. That does not mean you necessarily approve of their decisions. After all, when you think back about your own decisions in the past you will likely find decisions you won’t approve of now anymore either.
Empathy is understanding where the other comes from and why they choose to do what they do or what they believe. The sole purpose of listening to the other person is not to endorse or oppose but to understand. Once that has been reached you may be able to find respect for the other person in some way. So do not dehumanize the other person by devaluing who they are and what they believe and stand for. After listening to them and you have reacted and they have listened to you give them too the chance to respond to you without using frequent interruptions and discounting their ideas.
Learn what the difference is between feeling offended and being insulted. We all have been in conversations where someone said something that may have offended you or someone else. Determining whether you have accidentally been offended or purposely insulted is important. Just because you feel offended does not mean the other person means to insult you. Give people the benefit of the doubt especially if this is a relationship with a person important to you. Let them know you did not appreciate what they said and why. If you are unsure you can always ask. Explain how you took it and ask if it was intended that way. If it as not intended then ask them to explain how it was intended. Separating offense from insult can literally mean to save your relationship with that person.
Don’t forget that your actions and reactions speak for you, not the other person so if your reactions are negative that leaves a negative stain on your tab, not the other person.
