As a result of ongoing severe stress for the past few years, I now am dealing with a frozen shoulder. Apart from a very painful experience especially in the first few months and losing the movement in my left shoulder/arm it takes a long time to recover from. The physiotherapists told me it’s going to be 2 to 3 years. the first few months are possible very painful all the while losing the movement in my arm. In the second stage, the pain will be less but still losing movement in my arm. Finally, in the third stage, I will slowly gain movement back in my arm. This is a huge setback for me. Having to focus on my arm now and still dealing with this burnout I have put my therapy for my c-PTSD on hold.

I have been cutting down my stream hours as well so I have less strain on my arm. I have picked up the crafting streams now on Saturdays instead. It’s very relaxing and I enjoy it a lot aswell.

With all the pain of the break-up, I am still hurting from sometimes, I almost forgot the power of love and more importantly how to benefit from this strength within me. It’s not that I had completely forgotten it but when that pain floats ashore and you trip over it so that you have a face-sand experience it’s really hard to appreciate that what is left behind unanswered; Love.

A memory on facebook in the shape of a post I made a few years ago reminded me once again to use this love as well to heal and grow. You just need to see past the pain and realize its the attachment and the loss of a loved one that causes that pain. The love itself does not hurt. Love heals, love has given me the strength to forgive, the power to move on and the understanding to let go. The love I have for this person, however, has not changed or disappeared. It’s still there, in all strength.

How can I still love this person who has caused me so much hurt? Because he is so much more than just that. I am not going into detail but I am simply put not going to dismiss the good because of the pain. The good still outweighs it by far. So perhaps my sentence Omnia Vincit Amor may not make sense to others because we are not together anymore but those people may not understand that love is not the same as attachment.

I am moving on yes, no there is not anyone else in my life to fill up that space. But I am not going to keep hanging in the past. My moving on means I am healing from my wounds and learning from my own mistakes. The love I have for all what is dear to me is the main source of my strength.

Omnia Vincit Amor! <3