With all the pain of the break-up, I am still hurting from sometimes, I almost forgot the power of love and more importantly how to benefit from this strength within me. It’s not that I had completely forgotten it but when that pain floats ashore and you trip over it so that you have a face-sand experience it’s really hard to appreciate that what is left behind unanswered; Love.

A memory on facebook in the shape of a post I made a few years ago reminded me once again to use this love as well to heal and grow. You just need to see past the pain and realize its the attachment and the loss of a loved one that causes that pain. The love itself does not hurt. Love heals, love has given me the strength to forgive, the power to move on and the understanding to let go. The love I have for this person, however, has not changed or disappeared. It’s still there, in all strength.

How can I still love this person who has caused me so much hurt? Because he is so much more than just that. I am not going into detail but I am simply put not going to dismiss the good because of the pain. The good still outweighs it by far. So perhaps my sentence Omnia Vincit Amor may not make sense to others because we are not together anymore but those people may not understand that love is not the same as attachment.

I am moving on yes, no there is not anyone else in my life to fill up that space. But I am not going to keep hanging in the past. My moving on means I am healing from my wounds and learning from my own mistakes. The love I have for all what is dear to me is the main source of my strength.

Omnia Vincit Amor! <3

Today I am reflecting on trust and in particular my own trust. Its something I have been working on in my healing path in the last few months. I am someone who always tries to give someone a fair chance when it comes to trust however I do that very carefully, because of the traumas from my past it takes time for me to give you that full trust if I decide to give it to you at all. My heart became pretty battered because I am very forgiving and caring for other people which leads to being lied to and being betrayed many times. I understand what makes people tell lies and that’s why I maybe give so many chances.

People fail to see how much a lie can hurt someone no matter how small or about what. The less important the reason to lie was the more it may even hurt, because who knows what else you are being lied to about? You don’t, because your  trust is broken. You can’t believe that person 100% anymore at this point, no matter how badly you want to. That trust needs to be rebuild first. And that takes time. How much time? That’s hard to say. I think the action in the given time and the actions in the past matters more then the time it actually costs. Somethings can change everything in a day, and that’s not just for lies but also for positive things.

I look at it in a way most people may not understand but when I take time to trust you, being a broken and damaged person by traumas, it should mean a lot to you. because I don’t trust people. If you break this trust I can maybe excuse u once or twice, But if the lies continue, you have not only kept the truth from me. You also took the time from me that it took me to build up trust with you and the energy I put in that. If you lie you also have taken from me and every other person after you, that I will give them the same chances I gave you. You have hurt me in ways you may never understand. And you have hurt yourself in ways you may never come to understand.

If you lie to me you don’t seem to care about me or find me worthy enough to tell the truth. This will make me feel bad about myself, as though I were not important or mattered to you.  I would feel dumb because I trusted someone who obviously thought they could get away with lies and that it was okay to lie to me. It will make me feel lonely and sad because that friend I thought I had is not a true friend who values me like I value them. Now ask yourself, is it possible to value them the same way again anymore? I truly don’t know if that actually exists, for the people who betrayed my trust in the kept breaking it, up to a point beyond repair. I have forgiven them but I wont allow myself to trust them anymore.

And last but not least, a long time ago I posted about lies before on my blog when it came up in a conversation. That post is located right here. And I wrote a post about truths that’s located right here.

Take care all!