If you really must speak the truth..
If you really must speak the truth, then speak the truth to the person that you talk about behind their back. Especially when you are talking in a bad or negative manner.
Not always when people talk about someone else it is in a negative manner, you can talk about someone in a positive manner just as easily. You could talk about something they handled well or that this person is good at, the difference is that this is more of a compliment that you would normally not have a problem with saying to this person its about. and that is the big difference, when people talk bad about someone and when that’s only behind their back then you should start questioning yourself why you are doing this because it says more about you then the person you talk about.
It is not per definition bad to talk about someone, we all need to vent and get things off our back sometimes, just remember that at all times you are representing yourself in the first place and not the other person.
There are three general motives behind people talking bad about another person. 1. They’re talking with someone to solve a problem they’re having with the individual, but lack the skill to do it in a kind way. 2. They want to discredit the other person, or cause harm to the other person. Their motive is to hurt, or they feel they must defend themselves from hurt, so they hurt first. 3. They want to be accepted, so they find common humor, evil, etc. to talk about to make themselves feel better.
The first group: They talk about the problem, may go into detail, may exaggerate a little, but their motive is mainly to get an idea of how to solve the problem, and not to hurt the other person. They may talk inappropriately, or in a way that may leave a negative light on the person they’re talking about, but its not hateful.
The second group: People who talk bad about another person to cause harm: They seem to feel like you have some major impact in their life, and they are scared of you. For example, a friend who feels like her life is determined by how much boys like her will often bad mouth another girl who the boys like more than her – or that she thinks they like more than her. She does this because she feels like she must manipulate the people around her to stay safe. If she took responsibility for her own actions, and her own ability to change, to act, she wouldn’t feel so threatened by other people. So usually, people who talk maliciously are really very terrified people. They feel they must manipulate the people around them to be safe. They don’t start by changing their own actions and choosing how they feel, they let life around them tell them who they are. Its a very threatened place to live.
Third group:
They people are a combination of the two categories above. They talk about others because they have nothing better to do. They just talk without considering the people or friendships that will be damaged, its just entertainment.
Just be aware that often the gossip will end up unintentionally eventually in the ear of the person who was subject of this gossip. Knowing already what lays behind the gossiping it should not be a surprise that this often leads to lies and denial of what was said, trying to keep up there own status and trying to make that other person look even worse. Depending on the environment this has happened and who have been involved that it can damage not only you or the person you spoke about but it can damage the organisation you represent as well.
sources: wiki.answers 2knowmyself.com
Tags: friend, Gossip, lies betrayal, trust, truth
