Circles are round and that’s exactly how my mind has been going for a few weeks now about the same subject. No not only in a circle, sometimes it skips parts n goes backwards or forwards, I even tried inside out. I just don’t seem to be able to break free from it.

I think I am quite an intelligent person, how arrogant that may sound. But I just can not figure it out. I wish I could let it go and I have tried to, just move on you know. But life is not that simple, not my life at least. I can’t do that. I can not just pretend I don’t care. I’m just hurting myself  if even I ignore myself and my feelings on this. Besides I don’t even seem to be able to try to let it go. My mind just keeps me awake for weeks now and it keeps going in that same circle. It makes me angry, it makes me sad and it hurts me. Not only emotionally but I am getting exhausted and its getting the best of me while it does not deserve that. Going back to my circles now….

Things change in time.. with time.. Not always just because… Often one has to work hard to get to a certain point… Building up things is  not always as easy… In life one builds up many aspects of life… friendships… sometimes they come and go.. others are for life… relationships… there arent many  who never had more as one relationship with someone… often you dont marry the first person you fall in love with and share your lifes forever… Career is something else we build up..  we get experience with everything we do.. SometimesI feel as I have not achieved anything.. yet when I look back I see all the battles i faught and won.. often it meant to crawl back up and start over again… I am 33 years old now and I wonder where i will be next year.. will I have achieved more? did i climbed up again? Is there gonna be another battle nearby that I have to overcome? I dont know.. neither do you whats comming at ya…  I have been at all sorts of lvls in my live.. from the bottom of the well till halfway the mountain… I never made it to the top… And you know.. it doesn’t always matter where we are at in life… what matters is most how we got there… who where there with us on our journey… because at the end of the road… what matters most is the people arround you…

Thats easy to say.. yet at the same time not so easy… When I look at my life now.. I am no where near where I want to be… I dont know if i am ever gone be there.. life gives and takes.. and it is for us to take it up or not whats been offered…

I think I have finally reached a lvl in my life where i know excactly what I want… I want to be home… and share my life with the man I love and take care of our children.. Nothing fancy.. just a quiet nice family life… I dont need to be rich or famous… I dont need to have a blooming career and be a top bussines person… I just want to be happy and that doesnt take much.. yet.. to achieve that what i call not much.. seems impossible…  sighs…

que sera sera..
whatever will be will be..
the futures not ours to see..
que sera sera..

Hugs ela