I never thought The baby would be later than my due date… But here we are.. 2 days after the due date and I still don’t hold her in my arms.. Everyone and me too ofcourse is waiting anxious  for her.  The house is now far enough ready to give her a nice home and place to sleep with us in our bedroom in her own new little bed, the funeral is behind us and we all think its time to welcome her into this world. But it looks like she’s comfortable inside there and don’t wanna come out yet…

She is moving a lot and everytime she turns her butt for as far as still possible its hurting me more and more.. well maybe not really hurting but it is absolutely not a nice feeling anymore, especially when she is moving in the lower parts of my tummy. My back is hurting more and more laying down is difficult and hard to find a comfortable way to lay. Sitting on the normal diner chair is at the moment the most comfortable. walking and standing is getting harder and harder.

Tomorow I have another appointment at the midwife and I am curious what she will have to say about it… Whenever I have news, ofcourse I will post it! Take care!!!

Midwife made an appointment for me at the hospital for the 27th of July, I will be 41 weeks pregnant exactly. The plan is that they will check if there is enough water in the womb and I will get a  ctg-scan. A CTG-scan registrates the action in my womb made by the baby and if I am having hard tummies. So far the news…

juli 20 was his day… one day for him to be the center of attention, to be in the spotlight and, to use his own words as he has used them many time.. to ruin everyone elses day.

The sun was shining and it was very warm, my brother was folowing the car with his son sitting on the back, he was on my stepfathers Ariel VH, the same he was riding when he came into our family’s life,  behind that my mom in the cabrio reliant threewheel car with my sister in law, my brothers other  son and his daughter, and my daughter in the back seats..  The next car was my brothers car, with me, my husband Antonio, the longest friend my stepfather had and it was driven by a very close friend of my parents who also very recently lost her own husband.

Behind the car I was in.. the bikes… There where a lot of bikers from the old motorclub that came and in his honor they made a hague of honor that we all ride through at the end of the road. That was the first real difficult moment for me, hearing the sounds of the bikes that went so well with him and that he loved to be surrounded with. he would of loved it, and my mom, she was so proud to be able to give him such a last day, it feelt good. Then we went inside, My brother, his two little sons, my husband and 2 more man I dont remember who, carried the chest in and the ceremony started. none of the family wanted to speak themselfs. We couldnt, My mom had spoken and left her thoughts n memories with a spokes woman who made a beautiful speech. My brother had written a letter with his own emotions and feelings and words who was read to us by the same spokes woman and there was the woman who he had been friends with for 58 years who was giving a speech about him, his past his life and how things came to be. me, and a friend of his twenties, when his love for bikes really came to be. I had no words, and really still don’t have anything much to say. I believe everything I had wanted to say has been said during his life. My mom and brother, his wife , children and me and my husband and daughter gave him some items with him that have been important to us and where memories that connected us with him.

The first little  marklin train, that he had given to my bro, a tool that was so much connected with him a hat in the colors of the motorbike club he was a member of,  werthers real original candy that he loved so much, drawings from his grand children, a few more things I dont remember and the pandabear that i loved so much since I saw it hanging in his car. And ofcourse white roses fitting with the song my mother had chosen to be played from nana mouskoury, his favorit artist at the time they meet.

He was dressed in his scottish outfit and ofcourse a piper played some songs  during the ceremony as well. After the ceremony there was coffee with scones and for us, the family satisfaction that it went the way he would of approved of and that it went the way my mom and all of us had wanted it.

ofcourse something no one could get arround or ignored was my pregnancy, my unborn baby was present as well on this day that she was suposed to be born, all be it inside my tummy. It got more attention then I wanted and I am glad I did not used my wheelchair during the funeral, that would of dragged even more attention… and this day was his, not mine or my baby.. only his… and he got it. My baby will have her own day where she will be in the spotlights, I hope thursday or maybe even later… we will see and just have to wait patiently :).

arround  at least 75 people where present that day, they where family, old colleages, old friends, new friends, bikerfriends, neighbours etc etc who came from all corners of the country and even outside the country. Some had called  in the morning, they wanted to come, but couldnt, there bike had stranded and given up on them so the trip to the funeral had to be canceled abruptely, others had there own loved ones in the hospital under serious circumstances that they couldnt  come either. And many where there with us just in thoughts and heart and some simply where not aware yet of what had overcome us, simply because its vacation time and they hadnt heard of the sad news yet because they are not able to read the mail or been informed by others one way or the other…

All together, it was a perfect day, his day… may he rest in peace.

Wow that went faster then I expected, but yes.. my stepfather passed away today. I am thinking its good that it went so fast at the other hand I would of liked my mom to have a little more time with him before he passed away. Though this is it and we will have to accept it. He died calm and seemingly without pain or anything and that is a relief for all of us.

I am expecting the funeral to be on monday and by then my baby might have been born so I can go there hopefully because if I get complications and such then I might not only not even be able to support my mom and help my brother with all the things that hes helping my mom with but then I also may not even be able to come to the funeral..  And I really do want that, not only for me but also for my mom and the rest of the friends and family…

May he rest in peace.

We have to take life as it comes and not forget to give life to our existance.. because I’m guessing thats the best we can do to make our time worthwhile…

Why suddenly such deep and phylosophical words? Well Yesterday I got a call from my mom.. My stepfather who has been having serious health problems for like at least 6 years now is terminal…  After being taken to the hospital yesterday and talking with the docter who already had done a scan last week , they where told there was nothing anymore they could do. His last scan before this was about 3 weeks ago and there was no reason to come to such conclusion at that time.. and now barely 3 weeks later theres nothing anymore they can do. Not sure yet how much time is left for him

Ofcourse the first thing come to mind was that I have to go down there to help my mom… and support her but… Im 39 weeks pregnant and they live the other side of the country I would be more of a problem then a help right now…And i do need to think of my own situation too now.. I cant risk being at the other side of the country and the baby suddenly decides she wants to come… So I ahve no choice.. I cant go down there.. I called my bro and he will take care of everything down there, they will keep me posted as will I keep them posted ofcourse…

I would like to say lets hope for the best but that  is unfortunately not an option..  I just wish my brother strength with this hard task and ofcourse my mom as well…  we will just have to see what path faith will choose….

So I was wrong I thought my daughter to be born either july 6 or 8… its ok though as long as shes sound n save in my tummy its cool with me..

The warmth isnt bothering me that much but the thick feet are getting annoying, I would like to be able to wear my own shoes again or at least slippers instead of Antonios slippers… I look so stupid with those big slippers…

Last week we took the most likely last pictures of my pregnancy because I’m expecting to give birth any day now.

The work in the appartment is still not finished ofcourse.. Since Antonio is completely workign alone and with this heatwave that we have going thats no surprise But he is moving on slowly and  the floor in the living and kitchen is completely done.. Now hes working on the hallway and part of my daughters room since its gfonna be put all in one piece..  Then he moves further in the hallway toward our bedroom and then do our bedroom when the hallway is finished

Next week I likely will hear when we receive my daughters bed and Antonio can finish the floor in her room so the bed can stand there  and she finally can start unpacking her stuff little by little and get to play with her toys n wear all her clothes again instead of being limited to the few I have found back now XD

And ofcourse as soon as the floor in the bedroom is done, our new bed can finally be put together there too and ourcloset as well so we have access to all our clothes again as well..

AND THEN we have room in the storages again so we can at least order the rest of the furniture and start working on the babyroom… I do expect the baby has been born by then and she will have to sleep in our room at first but hey I wont be complaining to keep my newborn close :).

Well thats all for now ill be posting again soon 🙂