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My Daughters

December 26th, 2009
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Farewell my little furry friend

May 18th, 2021

Today at 13:11 Silver our loyal dog and best furry friend fell asleep peacefully and calm. I had to make the difficult decision to put him to sleep because he had serious problems with his spine. He was in pain and was not able to walk anymore normally. On June 8 he would have been 8 years old. I saw him for the first time in reality when he was 2 weeks old and fell in love with him. When he was 7 weeks old I brought him home. I will miss him so much. He was always there for me so I had to be there for him until the end. And I was. I love you, Silver. Rest in Peace.


Frozen Shoulder

April 12th, 2021

As a result of ongoing severe stress for the past few years, I now am dealing with a frozen shoulder. Apart from a very painful experience especially in the first few months and losing the movement in my left shoulder/arm it takes a long time to recover from. The physiotherapists told me it’s going to be 2 to 3 years. the first few months are possible very painful all the while losing the movement in my arm. In the second stage, the pain will be less but still losing movement in my arm. Finally, in the third stage, I will slowly gain movement back in my arm. This is a huge setback for me. Having to focus on my arm now and still dealing with this burnout I have put my therapy for my c-PTSD on hold.

I have been cutting down my stream hours as well so I have less strain on my arm. I have picked up the crafting streams now on Saturdays instead. It’s very relaxing and I enjoy it a lot aswell.


Back on track

March 15th, 2021

After a month or somewhat of losing track n dealing with burnout I’m now at a point of getting life back on track little by little. My dear beloved came back into my stream which resulted in us getting back together n me fixing my life starting with my sleeping schedule.

Altho the extreme hours I put into streaming were good for my channel revenue, it wasn’t exactly healthy for me. So That’s what I took under my wing first and then little by little the rest that I had been neglecting in the last few weeks.

Me and Ali picked up where we left off when our relationship ended and there is a better understanding now for each other I think. He has been getting his first vaccine for covid so he can come to see me when traveling allows it. I really can’t wait until we finally meet physically. We currently are teaming up as a duo in Apex and I am slowly getting better at the game. My aim and precision are better but also my anxiety and panic are getting fewer which results in a better focus and relaxed match for myself. Only good vibes so far.


A break.

February 27th, 2021

Unfortunately things between me and Ali did not work out. He has always treated me well and I have a great deal of respect for him for that. Just things do not always go as we want. That doesn’t mean that either of us is a bad person just that it simply didn’t work out.

I don’t really want to go into detail on how things went between us because I think that’s not anyone else’s business. That’s something between me and Ali. He’s a great person and I have no need to hang the dirty laundry that every broken relationship has, outside for everyone to see.

However I did felt the need to say something about this because the relationship I had with him was different then any other I’ve been in. It helped me a lot in my healing process. Ali showed me a me from a different angle and in a different light. I will always appreciating this.

If you do happen to read this Ali, I wish you well, good fortune, and love, miss you much.

What this relationship brought me is a lot of healing and more wisdom. Wisdom I wish I had at a younger age to make better decisions. The fortunate part of this is that I know better what I want. Or rather what kind of person I need in my life.

Someone who’s friendly n kind, who can handle me and my C-PTSD. Someone with patience to learn about it. He is supportive, likes to cuddle, and has a generous heart. Someone who communicates things well and has the space for me in his life.

Don’t get me wrong I am absolutely not looking for a relation at this point. I’m good. I have too much to deal with at this point as it is already dealing with a burnout from everything i got going on. Basically I’ve canceled out everything as much as I can from things I HAVE to do and focus on things I want to do. I just need a break and that’s what I am taking at the moment. A break


Streaming N crafting

February 5th, 2021

A few days ago I did an unboxing stream on my twitch channel. It was the first of a live stream that’s related to my crafting. I am planning to start doing crafting streams once I have my Elgato and a new webcam.

What did I unbox? I unboxed Pergamano crafting supplies. This was my Christmas gift of 2020 from a very sweet and thoughtful man. After he learned I had lost my crafting supplies a long time ago, he realized how much this has meant to me he told me that he wanted to replace these materials and tools for me. So he sends me on a shopping-spree online (since we have a lock-down and everything is closed) and I came home with like 500 euros worth of crafting supplies!

Finally delivered after a bunch of delays due to Brexit, covid, and out of stock of certain items. So when these items finally arrived I did an unboxing stream. Now I finally can get back into my crafting again! I love this man so much! <3

Perhaps now my last post also makes more sense after you read this one if you had not understood it yet, altho there’s a lot more meaning in it than just a replacement of my crafting tools. Pergamano crafting has been so soothing and calming for me. I can make beautiful things with it and I enjoy the time spend while crafting.

I hope to see you in one of my streams someday when I’m crafting (or gaming). My stream channel is at twitch.tv/lunatearz

Hugs to all and Much love and thanks to Ali!

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