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My Daughters

December 26th, 2009
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Secrets

July 6th, 2021

Some secrets are meant to be kept, even or actually especially in a relationship. An “innocent” thought, for example, might cause pain to your significant other if they knew but without taking any action upon that innocent thought and keeping it to yourself you do not hurt anyone really. The truth may be that your significant other knows, depending on how well they know you, and that’s fine we all know that we ourselves have thoughts we don’t always share and we don’t have to. so it’s not so hard to figure out that the other person has such thoughts too.

Secrets become a problem when they are being acted out, even more so when this is being done secretly. If you find yourself in such a position then you are doing something that you believe will compromise your relationship or your own image. If the truth and often such secrets come out sooner or later, is being revealed then someone often is going to be hurt in the process in more than one way. Betrayal is something difficult to deal with. For both sides often. After all, if you didn’t have a problem with the betrayal or the consequences it may have then you wouldn’t keep it secret.

Honesty in a relationship is important to an extent. Putting the other person down or making them feel bad (and yes we often can figure out easily what makes the other person feel bad) is something you sometimes can easily avoid by just not responding to something, or keeping your reaction neutral. It means to accept and respect someone for who they are.

We do not all have to agree on the same things, we are different people and have different personalities and things we like and dislike. For example to old “does pineapple belong onto pizza” question. You not having respect for the other person and/or accepting them doesn’t necessarily say anything about that other person and perhaps a lot more about you. The way you treat others is because of who you are, not because of who they are.

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Farewell my little furry friend

May 18th, 2021

Today at 13:11 Silver our loyal dog and best furry friend fell asleep peacefully and calm. I had to make the difficult decision to put him to sleep because he had serious problems with his spine. He was in pain and was not able to walk anymore normally. On June 8 he would have been 8 years old. I saw him for the first time in reality when he was 2 weeks old and fell in love with him. When he was 7 weeks old I brought him home. I will miss him so much. He was always there for me so I had to be there for him until the end. And I was. I love you, Silver. Rest in Peace.

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Frozen Shoulder

April 12th, 2021

As a result of ongoing severe stress for the past few years, I now am dealing with a frozen shoulder. Apart from a very painful experience especially in the first few months and losing the movement in my left shoulder/arm it takes a long time to recover from. The physiotherapists told me it’s going to be 2 to 3 years. the first few months are possible very painful all the while losing the movement in my arm. In the second stage, the pain will be less but still losing movement in my arm. Finally, in the third stage, I will slowly gain movement back in my arm. This is a huge setback for me. Having to focus on my arm now and still dealing with this burnout I have put my therapy for my c-PTSD on hold.

I have been cutting down my stream hours as well so I have less strain on my arm. I have picked up the crafting streams now on Saturdays instead. It’s very relaxing and I enjoy it a lot aswell.

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A break.

February 27th, 2021

Unfortunately things between me and Ali did not work out. He has always treated me well and I have a great deal of respect for him for that. Just things do not always go as we want. That doesn’t mean that either of us is a bad person just that it simply didn’t work out.

I don’t really want to go into detail on how things went between us because I think that’s not anyone else’s business. That’s something between me and Ali. He’s a great person and I have no need to hang the dirty laundry that every broken relationship has, outside for everyone to see.

However I did felt the need to say something about this because the relationship I had with him was different then any other I’ve been in. It helped me a lot in my healing process. Ali showed me a me from a different angle and in a different light. I will always appreciating this.

If you do happen to read this Ali, I wish you well, good fortune, and love, miss you much.

What this relationship brought me is a lot of healing and more wisdom. Wisdom I wish I had at a younger age to make better decisions. The fortunate part of this is that I know better what I want. Or rather what kind of person I need in my life.

Someone who’s friendly n kind, who can handle me and my C-PTSD. Someone with patience to learn about it. He is supportive, likes to cuddle, and has a generous heart. Someone who communicates things well and has the space for me in his life.

Don’t get me wrong I am absolutely not looking for a relation at this point. I’m good. I have too much to deal with at this point as it is already dealing with a burnout from everything i got going on. Basically I’ve canceled out everything as much as I can from things I HAVE to do and focus on things I want to do. I just need a break and that’s what I am taking at the moment. A break

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Streaming N crafting

February 5th, 2021

A few days ago I did an unboxing stream on my twitch channel. It was the first of a live stream that’s related to my crafting. I am planning to start doing crafting streams once I have my Elgato and a new webcam.

What did I unbox? I unboxed Pergamano crafting supplies. This was my Christmas gift of 2020 from a very sweet and thoughtful man. After he learned I had lost my crafting supplies a long time ago, he realized how much this has meant to me he told me that he wanted to replace these materials and tools for me. So he sends me on a shopping-spree online (since we have a lock-down and everything is closed) and I came home with like 500 euros worth of crafting supplies!

Finally delivered after a bunch of delays due to Brexit, covid, and out of stock of certain items. So when these items finally arrived I did an unboxing stream. Now I finally can get back into my crafting again! I love this man so much! <3

Perhaps now my last post also makes more sense after you read this one if you had not understood it yet, altho there’s a lot more meaning in it than just a replacement of my crafting tools. Pergamano crafting has been so soothing and calming for me. I can make beautiful things with it and I enjoy the time spend while crafting.

I hope to see you in one of my streams someday when I’m crafting (or gaming). My stream channel is at twitch.tv/lunatearz

Hugs to all and Much love and thanks to Ali!

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