Patient
Someone told me that I’m afraid to be alone, it’s true in certain situations that I rather not be alone but I wouldn’t call that fear and it’s not that often. When I feel really low I know it’s better not to be alone even though I want to. Because I’ll drown in my misery.
As a child I used to be scared alone in the dark, I still am. I realized when you are alone in the dark, there’s actually nobody to be scared of because there’s no one that can hurt you. My fear in the dark is in what I don’t see. It is easy to hide in the dark because your view is less. But that aside. Try putting that in perspective with my fears and social anxiety for example.
It’s the opposite. When there are others around they can hurt you. and then you may have reasons to be scared. Especially when you have Complex PTSD.
Learning that it’s safe to love and safe to be loved just like to be trusted and to trust is important ground to cover. There is a lot to gain when it comes to healing from C-PTSD when given the opportunity.
Though there needs to be genuine feelings and connections between me and the other person(s). Where you can find that place to be just yourself. Which is rare. Very rare. You can’t force love and friendships. I found that place with someone. Someone very special to me.
For now, I am back to where I came from. Alone. Am I scared? No. I’m very sad, feeling lonely and it hurts. But I’ll keep that to myself mostly.
No one can say I didn’t try. Because I did. This doesn’t mean I’ve given up. It just means I’m not trying to force what I can not force and be patient. I still try to keep holding on to what I believe in. Love will find its way. <3
