I have been streaming for a little over a year now and I love doing it. My channel, my community, gave me a place to relax and to let go. Though in the last few weeks this has changed. It’s about 4 weeks now that I am dealing with a lot of connection issues. I have called and complained to my isp, done a lot of problem-solving which I don’t really know if that solved anything at all.
My isp has sent out a technician. They checked when I was offline and stated they couldn’t find anything strange and only have seen 2 dips. in the last few weeks at my address. Then a letter from the abuse- team came in stating I was portscanning and ddossing. As an old-school and long-time gamer of course I have heard of ddossing. Portscanning I had to look up. Another thing that had gotten my attention was the creation of player names in Apex Legends (the game I play and stream a lot) that are meant to copy my player name.
This lead to me thoroughly scanning all my equipment for viruses, botnets, trojans, and all what more and nothing has been found. Someone came to my aid and it turns out some fishy stuff has been going on, to put it simply. I was the victim of cyberattacks. Something that happens to more streamers and especially female streamers. I thought my problems were solved and went back to streaming.
I had a few (4) fantastic days with a lot of support from my community and friends and then yesterday the disconnects appeared again. I had 5 disconnects yesterday where my whole internet failed me and my stream and game were interrupted over and over again. I’m at the end of my wits now and I am sincerely considering giving up streaming. I don’t have the energy for this with everything else I am dealing with already. I didn’t need more problems.
My isp returned to me that they did everything they possibly could to help me. I don’t fully agree with this and I’m actually rather upset with them that I don’t get more help. I have been a customer with them for over 16 years and never had I had any complaints about me abusing the internet for whatever malicious things. I have always paid my bills in time too. The last words about this have not been said yet I am running out of energy. This might be the end of my Twitch adventure.
Update: So this was not the end of my twitch adventure. I found out what was going and took care of things so that it wouldnt happen again.
Some secrets are meant to be kept, even or actually especially in a relationship. An “innocent” thought, for example, might cause pain to your significant other if they knew but without taking any action upon that innocent thought and keeping it to yourself you do not hurt anyone really. The truth may be that your significant other knows, depending on how well they know you, and that’s fine we all know that we ourselves have thoughts we don’t always share and we don’t have to. so it’s not so hard to figure out that the other person has such thoughts too.
Secrets become a problem when they are being acted out, even more so when this is being done secretly. If you find yourself in such a position then you are doing something that you believe will compromise your relationship or your own image. If the truth and often such secrets come out sooner or later, is being revealed then someone often is going to be hurt in the process in more than one way. Betrayal is something difficult to deal with. For both sides often. After all, if you didn’t have a problem with the betrayal or the consequences it may have then you wouldn’t keep it secret.
Honesty in a relationship is important to an extent. Putting the other person down or making them feel bad (and yes we often can figure out easily what makes the other person feel bad) is something you sometimes can easily avoid by just not responding to something, or keeping your reaction neutral. It means to accept and respect someone for who they are.
We do not all have to agree on the same things, we are different people and have different personalities and things we like and dislike. For example to old “does pineapple belong onto pizza” question. You not having respect for the other person and/or accepting them doesn’t necessarily say anything about that other person and perhaps a lot more about you. The way you treat others is because of who you are, not because of who they are.
The title of this post is more than just a good morning wish. Yes, I do wish you all a good morning but, it’s also really the topic I like to write about today.
The power of positivity, yeah I know I hate how this is too often used, but to wish someone a goodmorning might mean a lot to a person. You don’t always know where the other persons coming from, how they slept and what they are dealing with in life. A simple friendly goodmorning message can make there day a little lighter and easier to carry.
That doesnt mean you gonna have to go wish everyone in all your social media a good morning all the time but when these are people that love you and are close to you then may i ask you to thank them please and just wish them a good morning back.
Too often have I woken up from a long night full of nightmares and anxiety with still that anxiety roaming in my body making me physically not feeling well. I wished the people I love a good morning even tho these people messaged me back other things on their agenda were more important than returning kindness. I felt uncared for, unloved, unseen unheard, unimportant. On a good day, I would have noticed it too and it wouldn’t have felt nice. But on a bad day like today, it actually hurts.
No I am not blaming the other person directly, after all I dont know what they have been dealing with themselfs. I’m just reaching out to everyone here who reads this trying to find understanding for the other side of the story. For me its very important to feel seen and noticed. I feel this is something I have no controle over because its something I need from the people I love.
Today at 13:11 Silver our loyal dog and best furry friend fell asleep peacefully and calm. I had to make the difficult decision to put him to sleep because he had serious problems with his spine. He was in pain and was not able to walk anymore normally. On June 8 he would have been 8 years old. I saw him for the first time in reality when he was 2 weeks old and fell in love with him. When he was 7 weeks old I brought him home. I will miss him so much. He was always there for me so I had to be there for him until the end. And I was. I love you, Silver. Rest in Peace.
As a result of ongoing severe stress for the past few years, I now am dealing with a frozen shoulder. Apart from a very painful experience especially in the first few months and losing the movement in my left shoulder/arm it takes a long time to recover from. The physiotherapists told me it’s going to be 2 to 3 years. the first few months are possible very painful all the while losing the movement in my arm. In the second stage, the pain will be less but still losing movement in my arm. Finally, in the third stage, I will slowly gain movement back in my arm. This is a huge setback for me. Having to focus on my arm now and still dealing with this burnout I have put my therapy for my c-PTSD on hold.
I have been cutting down my stream hours as well so I have less strain on my arm. I have picked up the crafting streams now on Saturdays instead. It’s very relaxing and I enjoy it a lot aswell.
