Last night, early this morning my grandmother passed away. My mother called me this morning to inform me about this news. She had called me earlier this week to let me know that my grandmother wanst doing well and that they (mostly my uncle and my aunts because they live close and my mom at the other side of the country) where watching her day and night now. So this call.. that she had passed away, didnt came as a big surprise. It wasnt a real shock neither… My grandmother reached the respectfull age of 95 years old  and it was for the last 5 – 10 years that she was getting real old… as in… starting to forget things, people and not being able to take care of herself anymore even. Most of her life she was perfectly healthy and she traveled a lot My grandfather had passed away when I was a little girl, even younger then my daughter is now. And she never got remarried or even got into a new relationship as far as I know. She was very religious and loved needleworkings such as crossstitching. She never had a tv but listened to the radio instead. My grandmother was, when she was still fit enough very active in the comuntty of her church and she used to go ride her bike a lot and work in her vegetable garden I remember when me and my brother where little that we used to play in the front yard with small blue and red balls that she  keept for her grandchildren. I loved her but i was never really close to her. Somehow there was always some kind of a distance between us, maybe that was because she was so very religious. I dont know.  While her body and mind where gettting older and older they came to a point where they couldnt keep up with her heart anymore. I am proud of my grandmother, she was a very strong woman.

I stopped visiting her, not because i didnt love her or because i didnt wanted to see her, but… I didnt wanted to confuse her she wouldnt remember me anymore and having a stranger comming over to visit you telling you that shes your granddaughter must be at least a little disturbing dont ya think? Especially in the beginning when her mind started to get bad. She knew she was forgetting things, and knowing my grandmother that must have bothered her a whole lot, I didnt wanted to rub it in, it was better  this way. I knew I wouldnt see her anymore most likely and I had no idea how long she still had to go. A few years later, she didnt even remembered my mother anymore as being her daughter. She didnt recognised anyone anymore.

And now shes going to be burried. I would like to go and pay her my respect, but I dont ant to take my daughter to the other side of the country when she never even knew her grand grand mother. I have told her about her grand grandmother, and she knows that she has passed away last night. She had some more questions about her and she was satisfied with the answers. My grandmother didnt wanted flowers else I would at least make arrangements to have something delivered or I would ask my mother to take them. My brother isnt going there either when shes being burried . When you are about her age, you dont have many friends if any, that are still alive… so besides her own children and some of her grandchildren with there children no one else likely will be there since, although she was the oldest of her brothers and sisters, most of them have passed away as well, if not all.

Grandmother, I loved you, and I will remember you as you where when you lived and we came to visit you or when you came to visit us. I hope you rest in peace. Amen