I wrote this story about my character in the mmorpg called Dransik at that time. Currently its called Ashen empires. I don’t play that game anymore tho but I have been playing it for about 4 years. So here is the story of Eladine.

My story isn’t as heroic as most I have heard, it is mostlikely one of the
stories that will be gone and lost forever. However it is my life story,
my past and perhaps little about my future.

I was born in Whisperdale.. At that time it was still a very peaceful
place to be. However that has changed, many army’s of all kinds of
beasts and other creatures came to our lands and woods, to kill everything that was alive.
They brought diseases and they poisoned many minds with evil. They roamed the woods
and fields to search for more lives to take.

I was very young when my mother died, she was diseased and a cure could not be
found in time… T’is’ a sad story, she was a very beautiful and caring lady….
May her soul rest in peace… I remember her very well, telling me shortly before
she died, that whatever would happen not to stop caring for others, and that a
smile would be my most powerful tool. For a smile can bring more joy than a
thousand words. And a smile will confuse your enemies, if there are any at all.
These things she told me, I will never forget. They are carved in my soul.

And I will try to live by her words to the best I can.

My father, was a strong woodworker. A silent man of little words. He was respected
for his strength and wisdom. He helped the families that had losses wherever he
could. He used to get up early to go out in the woods to come home late in the
evening with enough wood to keep 4 elvin families warm for a week. Until one
day..when he did not come back, I was worried sick and I went through town asking
everyone if anyone had seen him. But.. nobody had. It was a dark night and the
enemies were many and close to town. We could hear their noises coming
from the woods. The other elvin men wanted to go search for him. But our elder told
them not to. He said it would be too dangerous and many more lives would be lost if they
went right away. He advised them to wait till the next day to search for him. The following day they searched the woods all around till they found him.. dead… T’ had been a rough
fight…. bones lay everywhere around. He fought brave and slaughtered many
before they eventually mannaged to kill him. He must have tripped because they found
his body under a pile of bones from dead enemies. When the men came home to bring
me the bad news, I was Angry and hurt, and I was crying my heart out for the next 2
days. Than One night I had a dream..

I saw myself, a strong elvin female. I no longer lived in Whisperdale but home was
wherever I laid my head down. I saw myself fighting evil and killing the beasts.
I woke up all confused. What could this mean? Then a voice spoke to me. “Eladine,
sweet elvin child. Do not be afraid and do not fear what lies ahead of you.
Many long and dangerous journeys await you, but do not fear. Train hard and Learn
from others. Listen carefully to what others tell you, take your lessons out of
everythign you see. This dream you had is your future.” The voice I recognised as being
my fathers but when it had stopped speaking to me and I called for him, no answer
came. Many times I doubted myself if I was not imagining things that where not
there for real.

This dream… Our old home some equipments and armour… little cash,few words
of wisdom and lots of pride is what My parrents had left me.

I trained many years, I grew strong, I helped others where I could and i Learned
from each new day. Than the day came, That i feelt it was time to leave. I sold
my home and only took little with me…

My journeys had started….

Tevreden,

Het goud van het graan,
Het groen van het gras,
Het wit van de wolken,
Het geel van de boterbloemen,
Het rood van de ondergaande zon,
Het landschap in zijn geheel,
En in vrede,
Valt in slaap.

D.S. 15 juli 1998

Kindertekening,

Voor een leek,

is het slechts een potlood streep.

Maar voor mij,

Het mooiste schilderij.

Nu nog een mooi lijstje er omheen,

Want zo mooi als jij tekent er geen een.

D.S. 30 jan. 1998 18:50

Just a Little thinking,

I raise my head and look right up in the sky
There are stars blinking, up n above, very high.
They’ve made me think about something,
they’ve made me think about almost everything.
About my life, my future and my past,
The time is going so very fast.
They’ve made me almost crying,
But I’ll keep on trying,
to see the beauty of life
and forget the pain, from that knife,
Its two sided blade that has hurt me deep,
the pain that I feel, no matter if I’m awake or asleep.
I’m trying to put that feeling apart,
yes I’m trying very, very hard
And get the strength to compose a laugh.
The laugh that I almost always have.
Because that’s what my life is about,
always laughing out loud
No matter what happens to me
no one will and shall ever see,
That I’m crying, deep down inside of me.
And no matter what I try,
that feeling is always on standby.

21 December 1997 D.S.

Edit: March 15 – 2022.

A little explanation with this poem.

When I wrote this I was already having my c-ptsd, I just didn’t know. I was too busy surviving and was hiding my pain. The two sided blade is about love and trust.

 I lived as in I was breathing and eating but I don’t call surviving living. Surviving is trying to make it through the day unto the next. Living is participating. I didn’t feel I was doing that for most of my life.

As the poem reads I was always laughing out loud. I was always hiding my pain and trying to be bigger than it.

Today I feel I was better off surviving instead of trying to live. The confrontation with my feelings and my fears is wearing me down.