Another night with not any sleep at all this time, insomnia is growing…
It’s hard to find motivation in the last few days but I am trying. Everything just passes down me mostly in a blur. It’s like eating and drinking without tasting anything.
Even if I had anyone to talk with.. i dont rly know what to say…
More and more the realisation comes in..
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After todays meeting for my new therapy I am once again full of thoughts. and its no surprise that once again I can’t sleep.
I was asked to write a biography and the funny part is that I said I don’t even know where to start. So she said “at your birth”, Yeah I was that far already but I don’t know what to write about that.
And when I look through my life at the most difficult times I walked alone not just by choice like now.
So a little biography, I dont know about that, its so much, too much…
My focus this month is set on me, me and my little family. I have reached out to others, I have sought and asked for support and tried building up friendships. Most people have let me down and now with the ending of my relationship I have chosen to keep to myself for now.
This is the only source of the outlet I have for now where I post to reflect my thoughts and share what is on my mind. This is like my own personal fasting and instead of limiting myself in what food I eat, I am limiting myself in what contacts and information I feed myself. For at least 30 days
I don’t want to be used for others who are not available for me or a database of information and the one that has an answer for everything. Especially when it is about things that really do not matter that much n could have been shared with anyone when you can not even ask me how I am doing without your own agenda in mind.
I will have a good look at myself in the mirror and work with what I see there. I hope to be able to change my self-image and improve my state of mind with that. I am worth having as a friend and its time to be my own friend.
Today is an important day for me. That sounds maybe strange since every day is important right? But today I have another milestone with the continuation of my healing journey hopefully.
It’s just a first appointment for again re-evaluation and possible re-diagnose of my mental health issues. I will have a follow-up appointment on this and then another one where I will hear of the results and possibly have to decide what I will do next.
I dont want to go. I am nervous and I am tired. Once again I only slept like two or three hours last night and that was even on and off sleeping. It seems my insomnia has gotten worse in the last 6 months.
Anyhow, I have to go. I am determined since I started with my healing journey, that I will do what it takes. So wish me luck and a good day, here I go.
When people say love is blind then they often mean to say that you fail to see the other persons mistakes or flaws.
I believe the true meaning behind these words is not that you fail to see the flaws and mistakes but that you love someone because of who they are, not what they look like, not the colors of their eyes or hair or skin or the size of their chin.
Apart from that I believe true love is not so blind at all. You see their flaws and their mistakes. You see what they look like and its okay because you love the person as a whole, not just their image.
Love is blind? Maybe so. True love however is not.
