Not only me but my blog needs healing too. I have already begun fixing a few things around but those where only small things compared to what still needs to be done. To begin with, the PHP needs to be updated. My Akismet needs updated. There is something wrong with my feed/Feedburner. After all the above is done and everything works the biggest change I am having to face is updating the design. cause honestly the design of my blog has not changed for over 10 years, so that would make it about time right?

I will probably face a lot of things while doing all that and honestly, I’m not sure if I am up for it but I have not much choice other then do it myself. So in case my page goes unresponsive or missing (because something went wrong) understand that I myself am most likely in panic mode n try to get it fixed as soon as possible just hold on tight and in case of explosions keep a safe distance 😛

A physical diet has an effect on your body and your body doesn’t see the difference whether your unhealthy snack came from the neighbor, a restaurant or if it’s homemade so in order to successfully maintain that diet one should not snack unhealthy no matter where it came from. The same way it works when you are on a “diet” for your mental self. All unhealthy coping is affecting the healing process. This is necessary information you can’t ignore if you want to heal.

True healing starts when you first are dead honest with yourself and then to others. Courage also begins with honesty and dang don’t we need a lot of courage to heal. Continuing your unhealthy coping in another environment at first may feel better and different but the result is going to be exactly the same.

So feed your mental self with different input like exercise, nature, gardening, art, simply the freedom to be you without depending on others for your happiness.

The 5 personality patterns is a psychology book I recently bought and has proven itself very useful to me already. The book is intended to be a guide to better understanding oneself and others and developing emotional maturity. In the second chapters, it speaks about Survival patterns and then specifically addresses Patterns versus Presence. I will quote a little bit from the book to explain this a little bit.

“Being in a pattern means that our perceptions are being filtered and distorted by a survival pattern. A survival pattern is an automatic body-based reaction that we go into to try to buffer ourselves from feeling overwhelmed. But it’s a reaction that was conditioned into us by traumas in the past. It is not a response to the present situation. Sometime in the past, this was the best strategy we could find to deal with a situation. Over time it was so deeply conditioned into our bodies that now it automatically kicks in whenever we feel distressed, making us react as if the past distress is still happening to us, even when it is not.”

These reactions are caused by trauma. I call it being programmed and sometimes this happened unconsciously and at other times being fully aware at the time of the trauma but like stated before it was the best we found to deal with the situation at hand at the time. These reactions can be very hard to understand by other people because they don’t see what we are dealing with and often we don’t see it ourselves either until afterward, we evaluate a situation. Awareness is key here.

I can truly recommend this book to everyone who is dealing with such patterns or have loved ones who are dealing with these things. And to be honest with you I think everyone who is traumatized in one way or the other has developed such patterns. Some more healthy than others and some more obvious than others.

Yes, I have even more dreams waiting to come true. Next weekend August 31 – September 1, is the European Comic-Con in Amsterdam. Its been a wish for several years now to go to a Comic-Con so I am planning to go there this year.

My anxiety and the fact that I had no one to go with always kept me from going but I have made up my mind and put my big girl panties on. This year, I go. Yes, all dressed up in a cosplay outfit :). I am not 100% sure yet which one I will wear so I won’t reveal anything about that yet. You guys are just going to have to wait for the pictures :).

“Everything you love is very likely to be lost, but in the end, love will return in a different way.”

Franz Kafka