Allarmclocks…

NO not becuase they wake me.. because they dont wake me… Everything that has a clock or a timer or whatever that needs to be set… gives me trouble… but i eventualy manage to  fix it…

I had a great allarm clock.. I had bought it about 6 or 7 years ago… ( i dont like waking up with radio.. i just want it simple.. a snooze.. an extra snooze, a light and a volume button, if i can choose from  diff sounds that be nice but that be pure luxury) Anyhow.. about a year ago.. it died on me….  i guess i been hitting it too hard once too many…

OH well.. no biggie.. I will find a new one…  I found a few…  Too expensive.. ( hell not gonna pay 50 euro for a lil clock that buzzes in the morning) Not accurate! ( waking up an hour too late cus my allarm clock is having hickups is not a goof thing) Not loud enough ( yes i do need to be able to hear it when i sleep to wake up from it no? )

well guess what… after over a year looking for a new one whenever i saw allarmclocks…  still no new allarmclock…

my latest attempt on buying one was another failure … i bought a pretty cheap thingy.. i really didnt wanted to spend a lot on something i wasnt sure even  would wake me.. and guess what.. that sound that that allarmclock makes is even less than all the noise the mice in my appartement make…. sighs…  thats the so maniest allarm clock i bought since my old one broke….

I remember before that one i used to have one of those old fashioned allrmclocks .. you know.. two lil bells on top a lil hammering thingy in the middle.. and falling asleep listening to the peacefull sound of a tick tock…

I got rid of it… why? cause my ex couldnt sleep with a tick tock next to his bed…. hehad this radioallarmclock.. hell i wasnt able to set it too many buttons.. but he would… untill we broke up.. and thats when i bought my so beloved lil allarmclock that doesnt work anymore…. 🙁

I tried an allarmclock on my computer for a while.. that works well.. but i will have to leave my computer running every night.. and i find that a waste of electricity…  So then how do i wake up in time??

My cellphone…  it has an allarmclock.. when i go to bed.. i set it.. I lock it so i dont accidentally call someone who will hear me snorring… and put it under my pillow… always wakes me up….  then why do i want an allarmclock? becaus ei dont wanna sleep with my cellphone under my pillow.. its just too stupid that i cant find a decent allarmclock now adays! They all got too many buttons and options.. what about the simple person who doesnt want to be able to have 3 cd’s in it?! but just wants to wake up at 7 o clock  and start the day?!

sighs…

I will let you know when i find my clock… untill then..  dont call me at night LOL (except if you are my fiance :P)

Hugs ela…

Things change in time.. with time.. Not always just because… Often one has to work hard to get to a certain point… Building up things is  not always as easy… In life one builds up many aspects of life… friendships… sometimes they come and go.. others are for life… relationships… there arent many  who never had more as one relationship with someone… often you dont marry the first person you fall in love with and share your lifes forever… Career is something else we build up..  we get experience with everything we do.. SometimesI feel as I have not achieved anything.. yet when I look back I see all the battles i faught and won.. often it meant to crawl back up and start over again… I am 33 years old now and I wonder where i will be next year.. will I have achieved more? did i climbed up again? Is there gonna be another battle nearby that I have to overcome? I dont know.. neither do you whats comming at ya…  I have been at all sorts of lvls in my live.. from the bottom of the well till halfway the mountain… I never made it to the top… And you know.. it doesn’t always matter where we are at in life… what matters is most how we got there… who where there with us on our journey… because at the end of the road… what matters most is the people arround you…

Thats easy to say.. yet at the same time not so easy… When I look at my life now.. I am no where near where I want to be… I dont know if i am ever gone be there.. life gives and takes.. and it is for us to take it up or not whats been offered…

I think I have finally reached a lvl in my life where i know excactly what I want… I want to be home… and share my life with the man I love and take care of our children.. Nothing fancy.. just a quiet nice family life… I dont need to be rich or famous… I dont need to have a blooming career and be a top bussines person… I just want to be happy and that doesnt take much.. yet.. to achieve that what i call not much.. seems impossible…  sighs…

que sera sera..
whatever will be will be..
the futures not ours to see..
que sera sera..

Hugs ela

Almost everyday I spend a few moments thinking about a very dear friend who passed away last year september 5th 2006…

Also just a few moments ago my mind wandered of and he came into the picture.  When I meet him the first time i gave him the nickname chewwy and from that day on.. i called him chewwy Theres lots about him that i would like to share with everyone and I would want to tell everyone about him… But I know that Chewwy maybe not would have liked that as much .. so I won’t tell you everything about him I wont go into detail about how and why he died…

It wasnt his choice to die.. he didnt wanted to die.. he was too young to die and had like many of us so many dreams  and wishes for his future… a future he knew long ago  that likely never would come… and in all these years thats one of the things I never could give him, hope…
We became very good friends and from all the people i have meet online, chewwy is in my top 3 list.

He knew he wouldnt grow old every day and each week and month… and year where a gift from above and he cherished the days.. one day more as another  because most of his days where not without pain and suffering. Chewwy was a very brave young man who managed to give others some strength and courage while he was in such a bad shape himself. he was so stong and delivered a hell of a fight..

I am proud of him. I cared for him a lot and theres no doubt that I wish he would still be among us… but I did not wished for him to suffer any longer either… I take it that this was what god had in store for him and that his job on earth has been done… I am glad I was part of the short time that he spend here..  I am thankfull for his friendship.. for as much as i have suported him.. he was there for me as wel in tough times… Chewwy, I love you buddy, I miss you a lot and with all those funny images i have been photoshopping, I know you would have laughed about them a lot and would have come up with great and funny ideas. Maybe you looking over my shoulders at times and  see my little  pieces of work… I hope a smile will grow on your face…

I never forget that you where my number 1 fan!

So yeah, like the title said. I have been busy photoshopping… I have entered a few contests at worth1000.com and i even won one of those contests.. I have to admitt after seeing what all the other ppl can do.. I think I am not half as good as i thought i was… but the good news is.. i can learn a lot from it… 🙂

I have added the pictures  of the contests to my picture album well at least those that I made.. and…  here are the links to the contest so you can see the other ppls  pictures too and mine..  🙂

http://www.worth1000.com/cache/contest/contestcache.asp?contest_id=14332  <— Mine is the dragon in the bottle.. hard to miss 😛

http://www.worth1000.com/cache/contest/contestcache.asp?contest_id=14227 <—-I entered 4 times here… 2 of them are hard to miss.. the green doors…. then theres the skelleton in the closet.. the other two I’ll show ya  in the picture libraRY

http://www.worth1000.com/cache/contest/contestcache.asp?contest_id=14331 <—- 2 pictures from me here.. one is the  garage sale with the fence in front with all the little critters… and the other one is the buffalo’s on the shelf..

http://www.worth1000.com/cache/contest/contestcache.asp?contest_id=14380 <— quite proud of myself… hard to explain which one is mine 😛

http://www.worth1000.com/cache/contest/contestcache.asp?contest_id=14226 <— the contest that i won… the pink bunny 🙂 isnt he cute!!!

http://www.worth1000.com/cache/contest/contestcache.asp?contest_id=14340

http://www.worth1000.com/cache/contest/contestcache.asp?contest_id=14338  <—–one of the police cats is mine!!

http://www.worth1000.com/cache/contest/contestcache.asp?contest_id=14330

http://www.worth1000.com/cache/contest/contestcache.asp?contest_id=14028 <– the first contest i entered on this site and the one that got it all started… mine is the cooking guy.. hard to miss 🙂

Lack of time really makes me having to end this blog entry now because i still have to upload the pictures to the  site too..

hugs!!!!

Last night, early this morning my grandmother passed away. My mother called me this morning to inform me about this news. She had called me earlier this week to let me know that my grandmother wanst doing well and that they (mostly my uncle and my aunts because they live close and my mom at the other side of the country) where watching her day and night now. So this call.. that she had passed away, didnt came as a big surprise. It wasnt a real shock neither… My grandmother reached the respectfull age of 95 years old  and it was for the last 5 – 10 years that she was getting real old… as in… starting to forget things, people and not being able to take care of herself anymore even. Most of her life she was perfectly healthy and she traveled a lot My grandfather had passed away when I was a little girl, even younger then my daughter is now. And she never got remarried or even got into a new relationship as far as I know. She was very religious and loved needleworkings such as crossstitching. She never had a tv but listened to the radio instead. My grandmother was, when she was still fit enough very active in the comuntty of her church and she used to go ride her bike a lot and work in her vegetable garden I remember when me and my brother where little that we used to play in the front yard with small blue and red balls that she  keept for her grandchildren. I loved her but i was never really close to her. Somehow there was always some kind of a distance between us, maybe that was because she was so very religious. I dont know.  While her body and mind where gettting older and older they came to a point where they couldnt keep up with her heart anymore. I am proud of my grandmother, she was a very strong woman.

I stopped visiting her, not because i didnt love her or because i didnt wanted to see her, but… I didnt wanted to confuse her she wouldnt remember me anymore and having a stranger comming over to visit you telling you that shes your granddaughter must be at least a little disturbing dont ya think? Especially in the beginning when her mind started to get bad. She knew she was forgetting things, and knowing my grandmother that must have bothered her a whole lot, I didnt wanted to rub it in, it was better  this way. I knew I wouldnt see her anymore most likely and I had no idea how long she still had to go. A few years later, she didnt even remembered my mother anymore as being her daughter. She didnt recognised anyone anymore.

And now shes going to be burried. I would like to go and pay her my respect, but I dont ant to take my daughter to the other side of the country when she never even knew her grand grand mother. I have told her about her grand grandmother, and she knows that she has passed away last night. She had some more questions about her and she was satisfied with the answers. My grandmother didnt wanted flowers else I would at least make arrangements to have something delivered or I would ask my mother to take them. My brother isnt going there either when shes being burried . When you are about her age, you dont have many friends if any, that are still alive… so besides her own children and some of her grandchildren with there children no one else likely will be there since, although she was the oldest of her brothers and sisters, most of them have passed away as well, if not all.

Grandmother, I loved you, and I will remember you as you where when you lived and we came to visit you or when you came to visit us. I hope you rest in peace. Amen