Fairytales and Social Distancing
When I hear the complaints and see the hard time people have with social distancing I sometimes wish I could trade places with them. Just to know what it is to have people in my life without an agenda. My social distancing goes a lot further than not being able to go near the people I love. My social distancing contains a lack of people.
People who care about me and want to spend time with me just because they like me and care about me. People who respect my boundaries and value me enough to add effort to their words and promises. Who don’t abandon me, reject me or make me feel bad about myself and the things I love.
But I’m alone. I have sought social distance myself from people who where not good for my mental health. Being abused and now traumatized brought me a lot of fears and taught me not to trust people. My fear of abandonment keeps people on a distance. Every little potential red flag I see makes me step back right away.
I realized everyone has red flags and I don’t know which ones to ignore and which ones not. Because there litterally are no people without red flags. So I practice social distancing for most my life.
With my last relationship painfully ending last year almost a year ago now, I also lost my best friend. I’ve been trying ever since to make new friends but it’s hard when you have believed in fairytales and still long for them in your heart.
I want it back, my dreams and hopes, and be able to share myself with those that I love but I also want to be valued and myself and my boundaries to be respected. Perhaps at the end that is non-existent just like a true fairytale.
