Darkness
Darkness comes when the light goes. Yet that does not have to be so bad. I can enjoy the silence of the night and the calmth that comes with that.
Yet when it’s light and I find myself in darkness it’s not so fun anymore. It would be nice not to have to endure it alone and have someone who’s there for you.
I know I try my hardest not to reach that point but when I do and find myself back in a depression I fought so hard I do not only have to deal with that depression but also with the shame of not being strong enough to keep from falling back into it.
Yet I know I’m carrying it all alone despite me reaching out to others. I have sought professional help with problems that where heavy to carry and I can not solve by myself because I am restricted by law to begin with. These instances have failed me time and time again.
I kept reaching out but to no prevail. It’s painfull and hard to find that even those who tell me they are my friends and love me and care about me are too busy with themselves to notice I’m hurting and need a little care. Even when I directly tell them I find myself alone.
These same people wonder why this world is so broken. This is for a great deal why I feel unloved and uncared for, lonely, hurting and depressed. Add shame and guilt because I wasn’t able to carry it all and because I am not the cheerfully happy funny cheerful mom I know can be when I’m not depressed.
