Friendship and support.
One of the most important things for people with traumas is to have a support system. At the same time it’s often also exactly what we don’t have.
My mind is trying to break free from this and find alternatives because I too don’t really have such support in my circle of “friends”. But I know there is no alternative. We are humans and need others in our life’s emotionally and practically. As many people there are who say they are self-made usually had people around them who supported them, emotionally l, financially and practically.
I honestly don’t know if I even have any real friends. Not everyone who supports you is a friend and few ppl who call themselfs my friend really supports me actively.
Those that say they are and care are usually those who don’t respect me and seek the edges of my boundaries to find any weaknesses. I wonder if I do the same. Maybe there are people in my circle who feel that way about me but just don’t speak out about it.
I know I have distanced myself from a few people that I used to call a friend because they only seem to be friends when I could do something for them and when it was the other way around and I needed them I could barely reach them if at all.
On another note, it is very hard to reach out to people for me. My traumas shaped me in a way we’re I was always on my own and I really had no one who would truly be there for me. It created a myth that reaching out to others for support and asking for help is a weakness and very scary. Because I feel very vulnerable at such times. Rejection at such moments is very difficult to take because of our traumas.
How hard it is to break from these circles and the fears that we as traumatized people have to overcome to break free from it is underestimated and misunderstood. Pity is not what we seek and true compassion and empathy is difficult for those who don’t know our traumas first hand.
So it often comes down to trust and respect to support those who are reaching out. And those who are the ones reaching out such as me as well gave to rely on trusting others and that’s usually the most broken thing in our system.
Who will truly understand that when we reach out in our own often complicated way how much we are in need of this support and who truly is capable of actually giving said support? How reasonable is it to expect support from our friends? Where are those borders that are Invissible that teaches us who our real friends are and who is not.
Can a friend really be a friend at that time when they don’t understand you? Is it fair to expect them to be your friend and support you when they don’t understand you? I’m struggling with these abd other questions on my search to find the people who I should keep in my circle and who I should not.
Just another example of how my trauma’s have damaged me and makes simple things that others don’t worry about in life, difficult for me.
