Astra inclinant, sed non obligant.
He wanted to be just friends despite telling me that he still loves me and that is something I don’t really want to be, to begin with, because of what’s buried deep inside my heart. Like I try to burry the memories. It goes against my nature to be someone that I am not and I feel awkward the time we spend together now.
It takes me to an intense sadness that I can’t even express and I find other sources to blame it on but I know the true origin. Little did I know that being friends meant that all the closeness there was once isn’t there anymore. Not even a little bit. It’s hard to be myself with someone I don’t know anymore. Even though certain things never changed, others have.
People change over time and in the past when we were together I grew with that and was part of the transitions and changes. To be confronted with a person I barely know anymore is difficult to accept and a hard fact to swallow. If I had been given the chance I would have grown together and so would my love have. But everything is different now, it’s like we always have been complete strangers. And maybe we where even though my heart will never agree.
I could blame any circumstance but I won’t because we all make our own choices and he made his. So therefor “Astra inclinant, sed non-obligant.” – While fate, whether determined by the stars, might nudge us in a certain direction, we are never forced in it. Free will exists and the decision of what to do in any circumstance is ultimately our own.
