The holidays.
The holidays and new years are finally over. Yes, finally. Xmas is never a good period for me altogether due to certain traumatic events that took place in my own childhood just before Christmas.
So while everyone’s in a Christmas spirit and happily decorating, I am swallowing away the after taste of my youth which still affects me on a daily base but especially this season.
Then with a few events that are currently taking place and getting me all down, it’s simply put a battlefield for me.
The new year has also already proven itself to be as one where I can not rest and trust faith with my youngest daughter being in the mids of all this as small as she is with the very few tools she has to stand up for herself against a parent who doesn’t think about her well being and even worse, teaches her bad behaviors.
I am proud of my brave little girl who is the one who has to find her way through this warzone she is surrounded with. I am trying my best to support her and give her the tools she needs. Not only to be able to maintain strong but also to be able to remain strong apart from normal parenting.
It worries me sick but there’s nothing that I know of that I can do legally that I am not already doing. However, I feel like it’s mopping the floor with the water tap running.. I hope changes will come soon.
We have support from child protection services for her but due to my own personal experiences as a child with youth care and my experiences with both my daughters and the state of the general youth care globally I still have to be proven this sufficient.
I have a little light point and that is that my dog now permanently is going to stay with me. The relationship between my ex-husband’s wife and my dog is so bad that she doesn’t want him there anymore. Now don’t blame my adorable sweet westie for this. He was maltreated by her so you can’t blame him that he doesn’t like her. He has no issues with anyone else.
And me, I am exhausted more and more. My sleep that had improved over the summer is now a huge mess again. And I am at a point where my own healing has to be halted since I have no energy left for this. 🙁
