What other people think,
What others think doesn’t matter, don’t worry about what other people say. Right? haven’t we all heard this at one time or another or maybe you even said it yourself? Not so true at all. We all want to be loved back by those that we love, our parents, siblings, friends, and lovers. So it does matter what they think of us. No one likes their heart to be broken.
We all believe that the same people mentioned above love us and care for us in the beginning. No one likes to believe or think that they don’t love us back in return or would hurt us on purpose. In fact, it would hurt us so much that often we rather lie to ourselves and blame ourselves for many things to be the reason instead of simply the person who did this to us.
With this knowledge in mind, it should make it easier to realize the truth still it’s too painful to accept that maybe your parent, friend or loved one didn’t love you really and hurt you on purpose. Love is a dangerous emotion that literally can kill us. Besides the high suicide rate, you can actually die from a broken heart.
Now after all this being said we are better of not to worry about what other people think though, even when that is very difficult sometimes and for some of us often or even almost always. So I have done some research on this as part of my own healing traject and this is what I came up with to help myself and possibly others as well. Keep in mind that there will always be someone thinking things about you or other people that do not always agree with the person it is about or that this person is going to like. Even yourself if you are completely honest with yourself, does that.
Now stay with that thought for a little bit. Just because of what you thought of that other person does not automatically means that this person should change their ways or whatever the thought was about. right? Neither does it automatically mean you care less about these people then you did before. Am I correct again? Thought so, And you know what? There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Next thing to realize is that sometimes other people have thought you think worse about them than you actually did. Like, when you didn’t laugh about a funny joke because you were somewhere else with your thoughts. Right again? Dang, I am getting good at this.
Now the less easy step that you need to understand is that indeed there will be always times that what the other person thinks of you is not what you would like them to think. Now go back to yourself and bring back the reality where what you thought of someone didn’t automatically change the relationship you had with this person. It is OK to be different and think different. this means that it is OK for other people and for you just the same. If you do worry about this and this is a person that is important to you, you could ask for clarification and reassuring depending on the importance of this person to you and the level at what you communicate with this person.
I have often assumed that someone was mad at me but they weren’t and the simple question, are you angry at me would have solved a lot of anxiety and worry for me and even arguments when I went into my self-defense mode unnecessary. Another thing that helped me tame my anxiety and worry is to keep in mind that NOT everyone and everything someone thinks of you matters. Because chances are you don’t see that person ever again. Like a certain person who stares at you at an airport. You could think all kinds of things of this yet reality is that what this person is thinking at that moment is completely a mystery and it does NOT even matter really, now does it? You most likely never see that person ever again.
And even if you do, they have the right to think what they think and it won’t change the relationship you have with this person and if it does it really does not matter. Try to stay in the here and now and what is important. Sue what your partner thinks of you is quite important yet not about just everything. You both are allowed to have your own opinions without that directly affecting your relationship there either.Of course, this is something that runs a lot deeper and takes time to tackle but I do hope with this thought-stream and those reminders that I have helped you at least somewhat on your healing journey.
If it helps you to have it written down and read it when you are anxious then, by all means, do so. Even if you must, excuse yourself and read your notes on this while in the restroom. I assume you don’t bring a big notebook with you there so find an app for your phone where you can write down things in and possibly even password protect your notes if you feel more comfortable with that.
