Healing is learning
The more truths I come to realize and the more and the better I get to know my true self the more understanding I have for my own pain and trauma and the better focus I can have on my healing process.
In the past few years, I have addressed many different parts of my traumas because doing it all at once is just too much altogether. I’ve noticed that the healing of those parts accelerated more than the healing of other things.
I have learned that I heal the best in a healthy and loving relationship when supported by my loved ones in a loving environment. Unfortunately, this was at the cost of the health of my loved one many times. I failed to see how his unhealed wounds had reopened.
We tried to recover to heal and to fix it many times but I realize the damage was already done. The result was that we both ended up hurting and damaging each other unwillingly. We both made mistakes and we both have caused pain and we both are hurting because of that too.
I still love him so much but I know until we heal we can not be together in any way really if ever. Not as friends and certainly not as lovers no matter how much I long for this again. The pain between us is still fresh and too much. Neither of us has healed the causes of our issues either so until then or forever we pay the price.
I take the lessons I received from this and use them to heal. to become strong and a better me to withstand what my traumas bring me. I’m trying to find believe that they will only be part of my life If I allow it to be. Some days I succeed other days I don’t. I try not to overdo myself and take it one step at a time. I’ll use the love for him in my heart to help me fight this battle because I know it’s strong enough to withstand all.
