A little breeze of happiness
What happened to me in the last few days has seriously retraumatized me. and I need to pack myself together again rappidly before I fall back more into my depression. I don’t know how.
Everytime new “friends” get involveved, sometimes purposedly because we or I tried to find someone to talk to and at other times I get blamed that those people are at fault for the problems and I lose the people I have been trying to befriend.
I am scared of my own judgement now and afraid I lose my mind. Paranoya about who I can trust and who not. Scared about anything I say because it can be seen out of context and backfire on me. I am scared and just long for safety.
A moment where I can relax n takes a breath of calm and peace, a little breeze of happiness. I have been trying to find that in sleep but I keep waking with panic attacks and during the days my anxiety is reaching top levels. I am so freaking stressed out. I’m emotionally drained and physically too.
I have never been someone to look to others to save me but I am getting there. I’m feeling like a helpless child in a grown body, ridiculous and worthless. Yet there is no one to reach out to anymore. What am I gonna do? Sighs.
Today another appointment for my new therapy which I don’t even know what it is or when it supposed to start. I don’t want to go. I am tired of fighting. This battle I can’t win is ongoing. It’s like a cancerous disease. Lifetaking and exhausting.
