Reflecting
Abuse is defined as any action that intentionally harms or injures another person.
I know it goes much further than that and that there are many more types and kinds of abuse that needs a wider explanation than the above, however the above is the worst in my opinion. We all make mistakes and unintentionally hurt someone else sometimes. We feel regret when we do and wish we could undo it. But when it has been done intentionally you cannot expect such a thing as remorse.
You can not control what other people do only how you react to it. I try to distance myself from abuse though that does not mean that I don’t feel it or that it misses the goal. I wish for them to heal from their own traumas so others may not get abused anymore by them in the future. For their victims, including me, I wish recovery and strength to heal from what I and they have encountered.
My fears that already had been excelarating because of his betrayal before have gone through the roof now. Against better judgement I started talking to my last bf again and again we met with the same issues as before. How this was handled and dealed with was very painfull and humiliating for me.
I love him still and my heart is burning out of its chest. My emotions are all over the place and swing from unbearable pain and sadness to shock and feeling numb as if fires rage and destroy my heart and leaving it with only ashes just to have the flames rise again shortly after to restart this circle of emotions.
I do not know where and how I find the strength to keep going without any support or anyone to motivate me to keep going but I don’t have a choice. I feel crushed, used and abused and tossed away like garbage. I need someone I can trust, I need a hug. How does one keep going when you feel you can’t anymore?
