Forgiveness
Someone who has hurt me deeply told me sometimes that even after I told him I have forgiven him that I didn’t. I still say I did. But what is forgiveness and what exactly is the meaning of it? How do you know you truly have forgiven someone? I went on a search for the answers. I will add the links to my sources so you know I didn’t just go over it rapidly.
In my opinion, before I started my research I wrote down what I believe is forgiveness and why I think I have forgiven him.
My Opinion: Even tho he has hurt me deeply. Forgiving him was for me a decision based on my love for him and wanting to let go of the pain and hurt. I wanted to move on and get past of what happened so we could work on things and get past it together. So I simply decided to forgive him after I evaluated the situation over and over again. I have questioned him about the events that have hurt me until I had all the answers and information I needed to move past it. He was very helpful doing this and even though it was painful it helped me moved past it I believe quickly. Of course, it hurt and it did hurt for quite a while. Forgiving n my opinion doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt any more or you have forgotten it or got past it. Forgiveness I believe means you are ready to move on and find peace with it.
My research:
When you forgive, you are accepting the situation, and you are trying to find a way to live with it. The process may be gradual, and it does not mean that you need to include the person that has hurt you because you forgive for yourself, not for them.
In order to forgive, you need to want to forgive. And, sometimes, when the hurt is too deep, you are not willing to do that. So, do no try to forgive someone before you know what you want and release your pain and anger.
source: https://gottadotherightthing.com/tips-help-forgive/
Forgiveness is letting go of the need for revenge and releasing negative thoughts of bitterness and resentment.
source: https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-forgiveness/
Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. Instead, forgiveness brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees him or her from corrosive anger. While there is some debate over whether true forgiveness requires positive feelings toward the offender, experts agree that it at least involves letting go of deeply held negative feelings. In that way, it empowers you to recognize the pain you suffered without letting that pain define you, enabling you to heal and move on with your life.
source: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/forgiveness/definition
Now, these previous sources somewhat similar to what I believe is forgiving but the next source does not seem to really agree with my opinion.
Forgiveness is, in part, a willingness to drop the narrative on a particular injustice, to stop telling ourselves over and over again the story of what happened, what this other person did, how we were injured, and all the rest of the upsetting things we remind ourselves in relation to this unforgivable-ness. It’s a decision to let the past be what it was, to leave it as is, imperfect and not what we wish it had been. Forgiveness means that we stop the shoulda, coulda, woulda been-s and relinquish the idea that we can create a different (better) past.
source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/inviting-monkey-tea/201803/what-is-forgiveness-really
Evaluation: Now after reading this last source and evaluating things with my self again I still believe I have forgiven him because I was willing and have been working past the painful events and I can leave it in the past altho it’s not forgotten and it does sting me sometimes. But as with everything life is not as black and white. So my answer is still the same I did forgive him but when remembered about the painful events it does hurt a little bit again.
