Isolation, trust & friendships
One of the things I am facing in my life due to my traumas is that I isolate myself. I do this to protect myself from getting hurt. I do not trust people by default. There are very few people in my life that gained a little lvl of trust. My distrust of people is based on the fact that I am being deceived and lied and betrayed ALMOST everytime I let someone in. Not just exes, but friends or so-called friends because in all honesty ppl that betray you and use like they did to me and show no regret whatsoever are not friends at all in the first place. But also my own family members, parents, and siblings. People you are normally supposed to be able to trust, I can not trust as learned by experience, not because I am afraid that they have proven to me I can not trust them by betraying me, abusing me and lie to me on a level that is very destructive. I know isolating myself is unhealthy but at the same time letting people in my life who then repeatedly continuously abuse me use me betray me etc etc is just as unhealthy. You can say I pick the wrong people to befriend well you don’t know that until you get to know those people and it is too late. I am not befriending people that are known to be abusive or criminals or people with a bad reputation. I really am not that dumb. I stay clear from people that seem to be the type to cause problems to begin with. Yet, I need to let people in my life to allow my self to heal as much as i can from my traumas. And I am able to see the difference between those people who have just treated me badly because of their selfish reasons and those that made mistakes and sincerely regret that and want to make things right with me. No one is perfect and I don’t expect anyone to be. I do however expect those in that close circle of trust to respect me and be responsible for their choices and mistakes. And each different lvl of trust comes with different expectations.
Make friends I have been told so many times. But it really is not that easy to make new friends. Appart from most ppl already have a circle of friends they engage with. No one is really waiting for someone with my issues. I also am an introvert due to my traumas. I do isolate myself and need to be and get motivated to go outside. I won’t meet anyone new when I don’t leave my house. I’m well aware of that. So I do force myself to do certain social activities and things. I even do enjoy those things and moments once I am participating in it. I don’t do my groceries online and only shop online out of convenience because I can find things online a lot easier cheaper then I can in normal stores. I am being approached by men sometimes but obviously, they just want just that what men want from a woman and I’m not interested in that either. So yeah it is not that easy to make friends.
