Happy New Year
Happy New year,
January first, thoughts of wishes, dreams and the future…
Cant help it, but my past feels like a join with a suture.
The marks, almost not visible at all, almost dont show…
Only very few people really understand and know,
That I feel awkward, The smile on my face, its not real.
Nervous, afraid, weak and small is how I feel.
I don’t want to run and hide, but, am I ready to fight?
The grip of frightening is holding me so awful tight.
Can I win the battle and truly be free?
Or will this always be a part of me?
I wonder if I know the answer and just refuse to accept.
That I am indeed that weak and incapable to adept.
Anger takes part of me, its all just not fair.
Why cant I just stand up to breath in the fresh new years air,
Ready for what will come, might come and what I want to come.
Why cant I just be strong and kick this aweful feeling goodbye!
Its just not fair, makes me so angry, cause it hurts,
yet I still refuse to cry.
january 1st 2004 4:00 pm
