My Dad,
Yeah, there’s not much I can tell you about him since I don’t know him. I have heard some stories from my mom and some rumors. I know I have three half-sisters who may have children of their own so that would make me a half auntie or something, I guess LOL. I have no clue what my dad may look like and frankly other then curiosity I don’t care much, I mean, why would I be interested in my father who never seem to have cared any diddly do about me? Why would I even care about him? There it is. I don’t, but I do think about my life often and my father of course is one of the reasons I exist. I am a thinker and can think literally about basically anything and the background story of it. Pure out of curiosity, to move on and think about a complete different subject a few minutes later to never think back about whats been in my head before anymore at all. Now thinking about my life however I do often and often same things are passing my thoughts not necessarily going the same direction every time.
Still able to keep up with my random babbling? Good then I’ll continue my ramblings. Last week I got a message from a stranger to me on my facebook, asking me for my address because she had seen pictures of the cakes I make and she would like to learn how to do this and come by my house for this if I would want to help her. Well since i’m not a complete idiot ( I’m incomplete because I always lose bits n pieces :P) I of course did NOT gave my adress. I did checked out though who I was dealing with because I thought it was quite an unusual question. I am not famous or anything with making my cakes and only have made very few decorated cakes yet. So I checked out this persons facebook and I learned that she came from the same city as an ex bf I dated 15 to 20 years ago. Now that relationship was not really a great one, actually it was a rather bad one and the way it ended wasn’t much better. I checked out this persons profile and learned that she is related with a person that he (the ex bf) has a relationship now. Wow, I was like wtf? And I decided to block them all including all family members of them that I am aware of. I don’t need to have anything to do with any of these people and they do not need to have anything to do with me. That relationship ended for a reason and to me the past is the past. Some things from the past you have very fond memories of like cookies from your grandmother or friends you used to hang out with while growing up sometimes even relationships, but in this particular case as soon as it was over I wanted to stay away from it as far as possible and did not wanted to have anything to do with it anymore and those feelings really have not changed. That’s how negative things where.
I moved on with my life got married and live happily ever after (or something like that), and I will continue to do so. However this little research made made me think about other people in my past that actually don’t really have any part in my life, exactly like my dad. And that’s when I decided to look up my dad and his family up on Facebook. I did not learn much other then that the pictures showed that my half-sisters are pretty young women, a picture supposedly with my father on showed me he got grey hair but it was hard to make out his face really and I certainly did not recognized him at all. Then again I was about 3 years old when I had last got a good look on him. When I was about 15 y/o I went with a friend to the town where he was running a supermarket and I just went in to buy a can of coke. Well, just my luck he did not seem to be there and I was not going to ask anyone either. I did not feel he or anyone else needed to know that I had been looking for him. So after paying for the can’s we left the store and drink them on a little distance from the store. The woman who was at the cash register however did rang a bell in my memory but that was just a flash, however I knew she was his wife because I had seen her too when I was visiting him sometimes when I was a baby. I have a memory of a woman (her) washing me in a little tub on the sink or something like that and me and my brother where sleeping in a two person bed (I think, because it was huge, then again when you are little everything is huge when its bigger as you) The bed had some orange details on the boarding as far as I remember which is not unusual because those where trendy colors at that time. I also remember playing with markers at my dad’s place or actually I just remember that I had them there. We had to be quiet when we where there because he had night shifts or something. If I am not mistaken he was driving a green Audi. And that’s all the memories I have about my dad. Anyways, my friend and I where sitting outside a little away from the store drinking our cola when a car, (obviously a delivery car from the store because it had the company name on it) stopped at the store. The driver parked the car and got out. That got my attention because this could be my dad, a man who was/is half responsible for my existence and that I had not seen for 12 years. So when this man got out of the car I looked at him and I saw his face although from a far distance. I knew instantly this was my dad. I didn’t recognized him from memory at all, my bro looks like him and the dark hair that I knew he had gave it away. And of course the fact that he was driving a car with the name of his little supermarket on.
My brother, and now I don’t remember if this was before or after that particular meeting, went to see him one time. On just an ordinary day, I believe in the weekend, our phone rang. I was the one who was usually picking up because of my curious nature. I answered the phone and was shocked to hear a voice at the other end tell me this was my dad. I don’t remember the whole conversation exactly because I got pretty flustered by this unexpected call. What I do remember is that he asked how I was doing (I dunno if he really expected me to give a detailed answer since 12 years had passed LOL) so as flustered and confused as I was I mumbled that I was doing ok. He asked if we (me and my bro) wanted to come visit him and spend some time together. A weekend or in the next small vacation we had coming up. Well at that point I still did not got a hold of my self and my own thoughts from the shock that I was glad my bro was in the room and mumbled something that I all ready had plans but that my bro might be interested. I told my dad I was gonna put my bro on the phone and on that note I handed my bro the phone and that’s all the memory I got left of that call.
Shortly after my bro indeed went to see him, I didn’t and I just asked my bro to ask my dad a question why he never let us hear from him anymore at all, no cards no calls nothing. And exactly because of that I didn’t feel the need to come running to see him when he out of nowhere pops up and asks if we wanted to come, I first wanted to have a little more conversation and explanation, besides he was a complete stranger to me and why would I go visit a complete stranger without any further info. When my bro came back he brought some gifts for me. And these things he brought, I wish I still got honestly, but I don’t. The gifts he brought me where 3 pieces of paper, two letters and a drawing. These where from my half-sisters the drawing came from the youngest because she could not write yet, it was in ballpoint and color pencils. I still remember the names of the girls although I don’t remember anymore how old they exactly where and who was the youngest and who the oldest and I remember little bits that where written in those letters. They asked me how I was doing and that they wanted to see me and that they had hoped I would come too and get to know me and also that my dad wanted to meet me. And that’s all my bro had brought for me from that visit. I asked my bro about what I had asked him to ask my dad. And my bro told me that my dad said that he did not had time to write a letter or a card. That pissed me off, 12 years and not a few minutes time to even send a postcard, not even for our birthdays or Christmas, 12 years and nothing. And although the letters from my little half sisters touched me, I never replied to these letters. Because I couldn’t, I could not tell them that it was not true what they wrote that their dad who they loved so much did not cared about his other daughter and I could not reply to them without voicing my own opinion. They would not understand, they where too young and I did not wanted to lay anything in between them and their dad, so I let it be and never replied. But I have kept those letters a long time. They must have gotten lost when I moved one time. I still had those letters when I was 25, 10 years later and occasionally I would take them out and read them and look at them and I wondered how the lives of those three girls would be and what they know about me and how it was to have their dad raise them. Just to put them away again when my curiosity had found another subject to wonder about or just to move on with more important things.
I have heard from my bro that they tried to contact him again at one point and mentioned he looked so much like his father. My brother was not interested in any contact with any of them as far as I know and that’s all I know and kind of where this story ends. Because that is all I know in relation with my dad and his family about them.
Just on a side note, be aware and careful with people who contact you on Facebook, because it can be as innocent as it looks like just coming from a direction that you don’t want anything to do with for whatever reason. Take care!
