There is a monster inside of me
There is a monster inside of me
There is a monster inside of me
It’s a monster and its called C-PTSD
Every so often, it runs rampage and hurts me inside out
I try to ignore it, contain it, and fight it but its too loud
Too often it brings me to my knees and finally I break down
It continues, its still not done until I emotionally drown
Finally being able to break free from the pain
You would think it’s over but here comes the shame
I’m ashamed for all the confusion and my tears,
I’m ashamed for my pain, my anger, and my fears,
I am ashamed and honestly most of all I want to hide
But I can’t, I have to be strong and continue my fight
I see how it hurts you too when it’s not even your fault
That refueled the monster who then hits me with another assault
I try not to break down again and fight with all my strength
I fight till I win, I fight till the bitter end
I am emotionally exhausted and feel beaten when its finally done
Once again I came through it but I don’t feel like I have won.
I keep working on building my strength and trying to heal
It starts with understanding and controlling my reactions to what I feel
It’s a long run, exhausting and hard but I refuse to give up on me
I am worth it and one day I shall win, you will see.
D.S. 1:49 PM March 4, 2018
