As a child I loved to draw maze-like drawings. Not anything specific just flows of lines of ink on paper. Beautiful waves and curls untill my whole paper was full. I don’t know why I did this but I always was full of thoughts when I did. And I did it often. The result, in my eyes, looked beautiful. I’ve never heard anyone else say anything about it though. I’m not sure if I even ever showed them to anyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
they took many hours to create but I didn’t mind. I was lost in thoughts while at it. Any thoughts really as far as I remember. And not one was the same as another. They where all different eventho I used the same style. At some point I stopped drawing them. I can’t exactly tell you when. But I just didn’t anymore. I wish i still had the patience to draw them. It was calming and relaxing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
These drawings remind me about my life tho. It’s like I’m stuck in one of them. There is no exit and I feel lost. Every turn brings another one with no ending. No solution.Much like my life and the thoughts in my head and heart I’m wrestling with. I want out but there’s no exit <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Today I feel sick. My head hurts, my stomach hurts, I’m tired. But most of all my heart hurts. I don’t want to feel lost anymore. I dont want to be in this maze anymore. I want to be the one who draws them again. Not the one stuck in them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
These mazes are seemingly much like my life. I know it’s somewhere what I’m looking for. It has to be. Today my therapist asked me to tell about what happened when I told her I was not ok. I told her it wouldn’t make a difference. I know the answers but have no solution because the solution is not something I control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Even tho I didn’t think it would lead to anything I gave her a chance to help me. Not even to proof I was right and that she couldn’t but with the hope that I’m wrong and that she could point me in the right direction. A few times she tried but the things she brought up all required just that what I don’t have. I need a loving and caring environment with supportive people who I can count on to be able to heal. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I told her about what happened and she didn’t really could understand all ofbwhat I told her. But when I was done she didn’t really had an answer either and she told me this. I wasn’t surprised only by the fact that she told me that she had no answer either. We made a new appointment and that was that. I feel I wasted my time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No one is perfect and no one has to be I just don’t want to feel taken for granted anymore, used and not good enough by others. The others that I care for and love. But I get excluded, pushed away, lied to, cheated on, betrayed, used and taken for granted. It doesn’t matter how hard I work on healing when I don’t have this environment where I can finally feel save, I can’t heal and there’s no substitute…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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As a child I loved to draw maze-like drawings. Not anything specific just flows of lines of ink on paper. Beautiful waves and curls untill my whole paper was full. I don’t know why I did this but I always was full of thoughts when I did. And I did it often. The result, in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3702","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/whisperedwords.nl\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3702","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/whisperedwords.nl\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/whisperedwords.nl\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/whisperedwords.nl\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/whisperedwords.nl\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3702"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/whisperedwords.nl\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3702\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3703,"href":"https:\/\/whisperedwords.nl\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3702\/revisions\/3703"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/whisperedwords.nl\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3702"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/whisperedwords.nl\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3702"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/whisperedwords.nl\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3702"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}